### Scorpions: Animal magnetism

#### 03/07/13 || sly

Well, kids, Sly is back! But not without some ants in her panties. It’s been so long I almost feel like a virgin again. (If only it worked that way, eh?) So to help ease me back into the masochistic pleasure that is writing for all you beloved dildos, my extremely sexy lady lover, Holly, is joining me for this review.

~ Cue flashy entrance with strobe lights, ’80s metal, and sparkly spandex ~

Holly: I’m mainly here for some comic relief, but I’m a bit of a Scorpions freak, so naturally, my ears pricked up when Sly here mentioned “Animal magnetism” – the title track being my favourite Scorps song ever.

Sly: I’d say you’re here less for comic relief and more because, a) you’re super hot in that cut up Scorpions shirt of yours, and b) you know more about Scorpions than almost anyone. But no matter. Tell me, what makes the closing/title track of this album your all-time favourite Scorpions song?

Holly: Well, for one thing it’s sexy as hell – from the lyrics to the riffs – and for me personally that’s reason enough to like any song. (Side note: remember when a snippet of this was used in “The Wrestler”? Marisa Tomei stripped to it, so you know, I guess Darren Aronovsky thought it was sexy too, or sleazy; both are good.)

But really though, what makes “Animal magnetism” extra special is that it sounds like no other Scorpions song. It’s really heavy and almost doomy – two words which aren’t usually associated with Scorpions. The vocals are snarling, the atmosphere’s brooding; it’s just perfect. You could also consider this song a slightly heavier precursor to “China white”, which follows that same kind of prowling sexual energy on “Animal magnetism’s” follow-up album, “Blackout”. Oh, and who doesn’t like a good cackle at the end of a song?

Any favourites for you, Sly?

Sly: Um, all of them! There isn’t a single bad tune here. I even love the ballad “Lady starlight”, though I do think it’s a bit too long. But if I had to choose a favourite, I’d say “Only a man” is where this album really starts to kill me. Something about Klaus Meine shrieking “Woman, I’m only a man! I do the best that I can, as you know!” A sentiment I’m sure all of us have felt at one point in our lives.

I think one thing I really dig about this album is that it starts out on a lighter note with “Make it real”, talking about making your secret (sexual) yearnings come true. Then the album builds up, or degenerates rather, to tracks like “The zoo” and “Animal magnetism”, which exude such sultry degradation and wanton self-indulgence that you feel like you’ve just come out of a deliciously filthy brothel.

Holly: Klaus Meine is no Dee Snider when it comes to looks, but when he sings “Falling in love” he oozes the sex. The opening riff of that song is ultra catchy and seems to announce the awesomeness to come, such as “No one like you” and “Rock you like a hurricane”. Such a grinding riff! No wonder Lita Ford and countless other women loved these guys. They really know how to please the chicks.

Sly: And please the chicks they do! But I’m fairly certain that even “straight” men want a taste of those balls after they hear ole Klausy crooning for someone to hold him tight. Yum. This is the kind of music that gives me the urge to make it in a ’69 Corvette Stingray. Mmm, I’m all hot and bothered now.

Holly: Klausy is kinky, but so are these guitars! Rudolf Schenker writes most of the music on this one. Simple, yet so effective. The whole album conveys such an instantaneous feeling. I imagine that most of the ’80s glammers must have worshipped these guys. Every Ratt, Poison, and Dokken have a bit of Scorpions in their songs. But Scorpions didn’t have to dress like girls to make desperate teenage boys love them and ladies climb through their windows for a quick job.

Sly: Right. But even though this album secretes naught but bawdy decadence, it’s a very mature piece of work. This is their most serious album to date. Unfortunately, after this one, the mighty Scorpions took a cheesier, much more commercial path. I mean, this is such a complete album that it’s impossible to take anything out of it. One never says, “Meh, maybe I’ll just skip this track”. Also, I’d like to note that the 2-disc best-of album, “Gold”, includes only one track from this album! And since I think that most best-of albums are shit, this encourages me that much more in the thinking that “Animal magnetism” is a fabulously dusty gem.

Holly: So there you have it, faithful GD’ers. If you love the ’80s metal as much as we do, give “Animal magnetism” a spin. I think you won’t regret it.

Sly: Take the lady’s advice, chitlins. Take it like a man.

- Information
- Released: 1980
- Label: Harvest/EMI/Mercury
- Website: www.the-scorpions.com
- Band
- Klaus Meine: vocals
- Rudolf Schenker: guitars, vocals
- Matthias Jabs: guitars, vocals
- Francis Buchholz: bass, vocals
- Herman Rarebell: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Make it real
- 02. Don’t make no promises
- 03. Hold me tight
- 04. Twentieth century man
- 05. Lady starlight
- 06. Falling in love
- 07. Only a man
- 08. The zoo
- 09. Animal magnetism