### Christ Agony: Darkside

#### 03/01/13 || Pr0nogo

This is an album released in 1997. Why the fuck am I talking about it now? Well, that’s because some label that doesn’t even appear to own the record decided to send it my way and claim it was a 2012 release. Assfuckery aside, I gave it a listen. As far as first impressions went, the record seemed promising enough – I mean, come on. The guys looked like this:

Buttfuck, was I wrong. This was marketed to me as ‘black/death metal’. It’s clear to me now that whoever applied this tag didn’t even look at their listing on Metal-Archives – “Darkside” is a mixture of sluggish groove-based ambiance and a whole lot of stereotypical under-produced black metal. What does that mean? It means this record stinks of being awful. Its drums are monotonous, its vocals are uninspired, its guitar is nothing you haven’t heard before, and the electronic bits – fuck, I hate those. I hate them so much. I can only hope this band has better shit in its back-catalogue (or front-catalogue, since this was released in FUCKING 1997 GODDAMNIT), because this was truly and utterly below “meh”.

4/10: They even misspelled some of the fucking song titles. How very KVLT of you idiots.