### Ozzfest 2007

#### 12/05/08 || The Duff

Where: Milwaukee, USA. When: 2007, not sure of exact date (I’ve taken my time with this one, y’know) – it’s Ozzfest, no need for specifics. Venue: Alpine Valley. Why: Nile and Behemoth, oh baby.

So, Ozzfest. Kind of a big deal. It was free this year, causing a bit of a ruckus-thingemy-whatsits/gossip-inspired commotion, and it just so happened that I was in Chicago at the time to catch the gig at Alpine Valley. Upon arriving, I was pretty impressed as to the concert’s organization, as we (me, my buddy Bill and his wife) were ushered in and granted a parking space for a mere twenty bucks (not entirely free then, ‘ey Sharon… bitch…). It was somewhat depressing passing by all these people wearing goth attire and “fake metal” shirts (gets me so angry), but then to each his own; we were all there for Ozz (as we all know, a part of metal’s instigation), Nile and Behemoth anyways, so we could walk on in with our heads held high as the regular trailer trash shouted at us to reveal some titties for beer – I’ll admit that I’ve put on weight these past months, but I was nonetheless hurt in ways only a slightly portly man can be.

The first couple of shows were pleasant, if performed by bands I was close to being entirely unaware of. We had missed a handful of bands by this point, but got there in time for (I think) The Showdown, of which I had heard some in the media but remained unmotivated to explore, an approach I figured justified upon discovering their live show, or even just their music as a whole. The band overall was so-so, but the guitarists were a talented bunch; they wasted half a set on a Pantera/Metallica/insert other classic metal band here medley, and it was a somewhat disappointing show as a result, but I wasn’t expecting to be bowled over, so in conclusion they entertained. Cthonic were a fun group to behold, what with their brand of black not being quite as inaccessible as they may have hoped, and their big fuck off speech to the U.N. (ye Gods…) providing a great deal of hilarity all around. Can’t say they could have been taken too seriously, what with the out of place, manic-depressive goth-chick on the cello, and any other bands were equally dismissed as stop-gaps between getting out of the car, the almighty Behemoth and Nile sets, and whatever was to come from the main stage, and therefore clearly not worth their salt – this means no coverage.

Nile and Behemoth were absolutely amazing. A lot of the latter’s set I wasn’t too familiar with, it comprising material from before “Zos Kia Cultus”, but I think they managed to put in more of a ferocious performance in the half hour they were given at Ozzfest than the forty-five minutes/hour within which I saw them support Morbid Angel some year and a bit previous. The songs they played where I actually had some clue as to whatever the fuck was going on included “As Above, So Below”, “Prometherion”, “Rome 64 AD”, “Slaves Shall Serve”, a drum solo… fuck, to be honest, I can’t recall all that much, but suffice to say that Behemoth blew my head clean off.

Nile did more than impress, and as much as I may have wished they had been awarded more than a twenty minute slot, they used up the time with the perfect setlist – far more intelligently thought out than Behemoth’s, in my opinion, who had an extra ten minutes (well, I’m guessing you’ve all done the calculations by this point…). They opened with “Sacrifice Unto Sebek”, and followed with “Ithyphallic”, “Sarcophagus” and “Black Seeds of Vengeance” – absolute perfection, both in delivery and execution; the double-neck/fretless looked very impressive, and the musicianship was well rehearsed and exceptionally tight. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a picture of them live that would do them justice, so I’ve used one where they’re just chillaxin’ in the living room.

The other bands that were pretty much avoided included Hatebreed, and a couple of others (avoided for good reason, so you’re not missing out on much with the exclusion of their performances from my oh so amazing coverage of the event). It was time to chill out in front of the second stage after food and a couple of beers. Following some drunken, slurred conversations with my friends, I was set for the first couple of bands, which I have to say, were absolute testicles – Static-X and Lordi (oh, for fuck…).

I was pretty drunk, and I’m not sure if all I was doing was walking around in a stupor shouting “NO! STOP MOSHING! THIS ISN’T MUSIC!” (that said, I did get involved in the Static-X mosh-pit, which was very friendly indeed and filled with many an open-handed slap to the buttocks and plenty a hug and kiss). What I do remember is being drunk enough to invite some redneck kid with blood gushing out of his face and high-fiving all of his friends over to join us, only to dump him onto my buddy Bill and pass the time with his wife laughing about this decadent chicken-fucker trying to get all chummy with someone who clearly couldn’t be any less interested in the dynamics of getting their little necks caught in the fence, dropping the ol’ dungaroos and sharing the “good times” with Uncle Marv – what can I say? I’m a shit.

Lamb of God are a band that I’ve lost my devotion towards, yet whose progress I’ve always kept abreast of and for the most part thoroughly enjoyed when I’ve given them the time, despite my passions in metal laying elsewhere these days. Well, their live performance was astounding, to say the least. Their brand of metal isn’t the most captivating, but their live sound is amazing, and their spirit two-fold strong.

The performances were spot-on, and I even found something to warm towards in Randy Blythe, who turned out to be a frontman leveling the greatness of someone as charismatic as, say, oh, I dunno, Phil Anselmo. As much as it may have been because I was piss drunk at this point of the event, I sung more for Lamb of God’s show than for Behemoth and Nile combined, two of my favourite death metal bands, even when it came to songs off albums I hadn’t listened to for well over two years (like I said, I used to be a big fan). Tracks played, from what I can remember, included “Descending”, “Redneck”… tsssss… that’s honestly all I can recall. They played a lot from “Ashes of the Wake”, that much I can say; they seriously impressed me, nonetheless, having delivered a trailblazing set that encouraged nary a sign of tedium from yours truly.

The Ozzy show was pretty funny, as it took me a while to get out of the crowd after having witnessed Lamb of God – people were actually stopping me from exiting the place, as if one less person in the crowd wasn’t something they were willing to tolerate; maybe they thought Ozzy deserved the respect. Well, I would beg to differ, as not only do I think that Ozzy has never deserved the recognition for his work, thinking him more to have been surrounded by some outstanding musical talent that upgrades his tepid vocals to some value, but I also think him to be presently way over the hill performance-wise. All he did was jump up and down, clap his hands, and shuffle from one side of the stage to the other while Zakk Wylde and bassist fuck knows whoever the fuck would sprint on past him. Even the legendary six-stringer failed to impress me, and the American flag being shown on the big screen next to his shredding the Star-Spangled Banner the final piss-take in this close to a mockery of a performance.

I found myself situated at the top of the hill, shouting things like “You ssssssssssuck!” in a drunken drawl, before hushing down upon discovering the ten-thousand Ozzy fans in front of me who may’ve beaten me into a pulp had they overheard. Towards the end, Ozzy said the bandmembers would only play an encore depending on how loudly the crowd would encourage them, and I thought – “Sure, fucko, you’re gonna leave without playing Crazy Train”. Sometimes, I’m so smart, my head feels like it’s going to explode – I so put Ozzy in his fucken place, by myself, drunk, wildly masturbating atop an enlarged hillock (not talking about the ass I was sitting upon, fuckwits).

The setlist that I remember yet that may not be entirely accurate because deep down I know I couldn’t give a rat’s ass and am making this up as I go along included “Mama I’m Coming Home”, “Mr. Crowley”, “Goodbye to Romance”, the new single “I Don’t Wanna Stop”, “Bark at the Moon”, “Crazy Train”… and the bad taste left in my mouth at the thought of Ozzy’s piss-poor stage presence. Still, it was free, and I saw the guy I’d been laughing at all this time from the comfort of my settee, which was cool in many ways. Luckily, and by the grace of some other-worldly power, I managed to find the car afterwards, and the trip home was a pleasant one where we three concurred that Behemoth stole the show and that we weren’t ever to talk to someone at a concert proud of the fact they were losing more blood from a gash in the face than Rocky Balboa at the end of “Rocky I”.

6 average freebies out of 10.