### Laudanum: The apotheker

#### 05/12/08 || Kampfar

The usual adult dosage of laudanum for the treatment of diarrhea is 0.6 mL

I love Wikipedia but I fucking hate you, most likely, and therefore I most likely hope I get the chance to force feed you your very own diarrhea. That until you choke. And forget about puking it up already, for I will pour it through a funnel happening, not very accidentally, to be hammered down your throat. This funnel of course coated with a delightful layer of shard sprinkled super glue. Yummy, but now it is time for me to present you to this could have been downright excellent album.

But before I tell you why it isn’t fucking downright excellent, I’d like to spend some lines on why it almost is, a paragraph or two even. OK, let me start the actual review by saying “The apotheker”, awesome title and all, sounds fucking ace. Ace as in: a massive fucking buzz, warm at it, supported by a perfectly placed and sounding bass. That’s the foundation alright, but here is more, like tastefully added samples for instances, ones enhancing and not cluttering up the experience for once. I know, shocking, though not as shocking as finding your mother in proverbial bed with literally a whole basketball team, subs included, would be.

Yep, I’m still very mentally ill, but I’m back on track already, now ready to inform you that “The Apotheker” is fuller of excellent riffs than your mother would be of stale sperm if that basketball team I just mentioned decided to creampie the living daylight out of her. But, unlike said and imagined gangbang, here is little cheapness. Dirt and gravel, oh yes, but not cheapness. Not like a trailer-load of dirt and gravel, I never said that, but this shit sparkles and fizzles. Again, just like the cum oozing out of your, ah, fucking enough already.

So, why exactly isn’t it hands down excellent then? Well, it all comes down to the vocals not being totally ace and in context 24/7. The more I listen to this album, however, the more it falls into place, but I still pretty much fail in appreciating whats going on vocal-wise talking “Crawling the walls” whatsoever. A bit too forced me thinks. Then again, the riffs used in that song is so fucking ace it makes me wanna hit you in the face with a very real spade.

I fucking love sludge and albums such as this is the exact reason why.

8,5 out of 10.

- Information
- Released: 2004
- Label: Unknown Controller Records
- Website: http://laudanum.org
- Band
- Judd Hawk: vocals, guitar
- Greg Wilkinson: bass, vocals
- Becky Hawk: drums, vocals

- Tracklist
- 01. Burning south
- 02. Virus
- 03. Transfusion
- 04. The hanged man
- 05. Crawling the wall
- 06. Black rain
- 07. Wasted mind
- 08. In a hole
- 09. Reverse
- 10. Pig farm
- 11. Dementia
- 12. Thanatopsis