### Apocalyptica: Apocalyptica

#### 31/07/09 || Daemonomania

I’ve heard Apocalyptica described as a joke that went too far, and I suppose that opinion has some merit. Starting out in 1996 as a cello-only Metallica coverband, they’ve gone on to produce their own classical-meets-ze-metal-and-has-ze-sex compositions over the course of about 95 singles and 4 albums of original material. So if you despise the idea of a band who got their jumpstart as a novelty trying to turn their gimmick into a career, what can I say? Don’t even bother listening. Make a couple more holes in your jeans and turn up that SLLLAAAAYYYYYEEERRRRR MOOOTHHHEEERRRFFUCKKKKERRRSSSSS!

Having heard of Apocalyptica before, I was never really motivated to check ‘em out until their guest appearance on the new Amon Amarth album. APac’s contribution really spiced up “Live for the kill” and made it one of the better tracks on an otherwise mediocre disc (for AA anyway). Sure enough, someone was trading the self-titled and I happily excised some of my excess metalfat via mail. Fast forward a few weeks later – I pop in the cell-ho’s (and a couple percocets). The tension builds…

At first, disappointment ruled the day. Why the weak vocals? I thought this was supposed to be all artsy and instrumental and shit. Like many a rapper, it looks like Finntron 5000 decided to beef up their sales with a few guest appearances. You know what’s worse? I find myself LIKING, nay THOROUGHLY ENJOYING, one of the few tracks with vocals on it called “Bittersweet.” I can’t even bring myself to tell you who sings on it, or my credibility here and elsewhere would be ruined. Look it up yourself.

Time to make a long story short. Aside from the first track and a couple bonus stinkers dropped in at the end, this is quite a pleasant listen. Everything sounds a bit similar – but when you’re mixing the evocative sound of the cello with some standard-issue metal/rock riffs and drums, then wrapping the whole package in a fantastic production – no complaints here.

What tracks would I recommend, you ask? Well, how about the Dave Lombardo-guested “Betrayal/forgiveness”, the very pretty “Ruska”, or the thrashy “Fisheye”? If these tunes don’t inspire you to take a magical gothic quest to liberate a heavily eyeshadowed dude from the cruel whims of Halford’s gimp jailkeeper, maybe Apocalyptica isn’t for you. And if they aren’t for you, why the fuck did you read this far?

- Information
- Released: 2005
- Label: Universal
- Website: www.apocalyptica.com
- Band
- Eicca Toppinen: cello
- Perttu Kivilaakso: cello
- Paavo Lötjönen: kazoo… no wait, the cello

- Tracklist
- 01. Life Burns
- 02. Quutamo
- 03. Distraction
- 04. Bittersweet
- 05. Misconstruction
- 06. Fisheye
- 07. Farewell
- 08. Fatal Error
- 09. Betrayal / Forgiveness
- 10. Ruska
- 11. Deathzone
- 12. En Vie
- 13. How Far
- 14. Wie Weit
- 15. Bittersweet (Video)