### The County Medical Examiners - Dr. Morton Fairbanks

#### 19/04/07 || Global Domination

This interview was done by ex-staffer Fishermane.

The County Medical Examiners have caused a bit of a stir in the last few months, thanks mostly to their putrid tribute to goregrind forefathers Carcass. Thanks to the courteous help on behalf of the Relapse staff, I was able to get in touch with main composer and frontman Dr. Morton Fairbanks for a quick interview. Despite his hectic schedule, he still took the time to make this a great read. Who knew medical professionals could be so damn entertaining?

GD: Since you guys have a somewhat dubious background, I’ll give you a chance to clear things up (at least to the extent of your choice). Who are The County Medical Examiners, what is it that you guys do and why should we care?

Dr. Morton Fairbanks: We’re a Carcass clone band, plain and simple. That sums it up. Perhaps we’re the Carcass clone band, the overwrought one that went too far. Most people shouldn’t care, or even listen to us, and judging from some of the reviews of the album, I’m guessing many wish they could get thirty minutes of their life back. That’s okay. Our music is for diehard Carcass fans with a sense of humor and open mind. They should care.

To get the proverbial ass-kissing over with, nice work on “Olidous Operettas”. I thought it was rather excellent, to say the least. As typical generic interview questions go, is the band satisfied with the release as a whole? In hindsight, anything you’d do differently?

We’re very satisfied. It actually sounds like a real album at times! That’s more than we expected. Maybe we swung too far over to the nice production side.

How exactly does the band compose the material? Give us a quick rundown on how it all goes down, and feel free to include any crazy studio antics.

I write the music. I make a shoddy little recording of the guitar track and send it to the other guys through email. They learn their parts. Then I write lyrics. Shortly before we record as a band, we rehearse. It feels very natural to do it this way. There are no crazy antics in the studio, I’m afraid. We’re boring men, I think.

I beg to differ. Garth Brooks, now that’s a boring man. So Relapse are backing you guys up for this release. I’ve heard that they’re fairly easygoing and overall, good to work with. How has that been going so far?

Just like you said, but even better. I can’t imagine why they’d put as much effort as they have into a release this…quirky…but they have. They are more like friends than a label. It’s been an outstanding experience.

I hear a lot of “Symphonies of Sickness” on the album. Which would be your favourite release from the ‘Cass and for the record, what did you think of their eventual progression away from goregrind into a more melodic-sounding band as demonstrated on “Heartwork”?

“Symphonies of Sickness” is my favorite album, and “Olidous Operettas” is mostly in tribute to that. I love every Carcass release, except the last one, and I love how different each one sounds. I think “Heartwork” is phenomenal, and I enjoy it more than “Necroticism,” actually. I love “Reek of Putrefaction” almost as much as “Symphonies.”

The cover for “Olidous” is quite the collage, if I may add. Is that a head playing a bone-flute? Impressive. Anyhow, was that your guys’ work? If so, how long did it take and where did the inspiration come from?

Yes, the corpse is playing a bone flute! That is primarily our work, though computer savvy friends helped with it, and Relapse put the whole package together. It took quite a few months and many iterations. Some weren’t so good. Others were actually really great.

Seriously, that’s an amazing cover. Now to my knowledge, TCME haven’t played any live shows yet which is somewhat understandable considering the nature and background of the band. Is this something that you guys would eventually aspire to try out?

Definitely, yes, we’d love to play some live shows. I guess a festival would make most sense, since it would get the biggest audience possible. But rehearsing for the show would take a long time, and spare time isn’t something we all have. That’s the problem. We’re kicking around the idea, though. I wouldn’t want to waste anyone’s time by sounding horrible, so I’d want some time and effort put into it.

Time for me to throw in some shameless self-promotion. This is the short paragraph I wrote up for “Olidous Operettas” on our monthly update:

The positive aspect that underlies the recording of a “worship” album is that as an artist, you have an excellent foundation and time-tested musical blueprints at your disposition to record your tribute. The bad thing is that if you fuck it up, you’re not only jeopardizing your own integrity, but you risk desecrating the musical legacy left by the very band being emulated. Fortunately for us (and Carcass), TCME have simultaneously managed to reproduce that classic goregrind sound, while still sounding as fresh as a skeletally triturated gullet about to be exsiccated. 8/10

What do you think? Is “exsiccated” even a word? I got it from “Incarnate Solvent Abuse”. Anyhow, how has the overall press/fan feedback been so far?

Very nice and flattering! Thank you. The point of emulation is: it doesn’t matter if it’s a real word, Carcass used it so it’s fair game! Press feedback has been spotty at best. The album is either trashed by people who don’t get the TCME mission, or don’t respect it, or the album is accepted by people who aren’t as uptight. I really think there is room for a band like TCME in the metal scene. People’s misconceptions about the primacy of “originality” are growing tiresome. Everything is borrowed; I think it’s original, in and of itself, to expertly clone a band. It’s a novel concept. But people are sensitive and have no senses of humor.

Speaking of humor, let’s have a bit of fun here. Finish off these 10 sentences, TCME-style:

In 2007, most metal bands… Take themselves too seriously.

The main problem with hospital food is… Everything!

The best part of performing an autopsy is… The solitude, and solving a puzzle, using your mind.

The fun thing about male nurses is… Their overcompensation; they swagger, trying to prove something.

A rusty scalpel always comes in handy when… I can’t imagine when! A rusty scalpel, the idea of it, gives me the willies.

Please give us as much details as possible here: The best way for an average citizen to smuggle hard prescription drugs from a hospital without getting caught is to… Have access to the paperwork. And know the right people. Hospital administration is often underpaid and living beyond their means and sometimes supplement their income.

The recommended approach to treat a ventricular septal rupture is… It depends, VSR’s usually get a bypass. But I’m sad to say I don’t have experience doing that, since I get them after nothing works.

The best part about having people call you “Dr.” is… The pay scale.

The best golf courses are… I wouldn’t know. I’m a fly fisherman!

The women in medical school are… Determined and bright. They are the future of medicine.

Remind me not to go for an operation anytime soon. For the record, we’re halfway done here. Is answering this interview even slightly amusing so far? In general, what are the questions that you actually enjoy answering and those that you usually dislike?

Yes, it’s a fun interview. The last question was unique and more revealing than you probably intended! The questions I’m tired of, because everyone asks them, are the ones asking me to defend the music. It’s just a silly hobby. I never think it needs defending or is worth doing so.

Really? You think Global Domination is the best website ever? Why, thank you Dr. Fairbanks. So how does the new album compare to your older releases? Let us know what to expect in case someone decides to hunt them down and battle it out on eBay.

The new album has better production, for sure. The older stuff is very rough, and the song writing is weaker. Not enough Carcass in it!

Although I’m sure answering questions related to the age of your bass player must have become quite redundant for you by now, we just can’t help ourselves. I know you guys have been friends for a while, but how much effort did it really take to convince him to play in the band? What other kinds of music does he like to play?

It took a while to convince him, about five months or so. I had to send him a lot of recordings, Carcass albums, explain to him the metal scene, before he gave in. He plays classical and jazz, the upright bass. He also plays cello. But the bass is his main instrument. He loves the avant-garde, in all forms, and that’s why he agreed to do this project. Wearing the skin of another band appealed to him.

(Note by the Mane: For those who didn’t know, bassist Dr. Guy Radcliffe is 63 years old at the time of this interview. And still rocking hard. Very fucking hard.)

Please rate these doctors/physicians/nurses/etc on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being the equivalent of getting a sponge bath from Catherine Zeta-Jones and 1 being the equivalent of having Margaret Thatcher check your prostate.

Dr Hannibal Lecter: 1 – Scary!

Dr Jack Kevorkian: 1 – I’m philosophically opposed to suicide.

“Dr” Doogie Howser: 8 – Wasn’t he supposed to be a genius, or something?

Dr Ruth: 9 – She has helped a lot of people.

Dr Jekyll: 10 – It’s a great book, that’s all.

Dr Rudolf Ludwig Karl Virchow: 10 – An inspiration.

Dr Seuss: 7 – My daughter loves Seuss books!

(Note by the Mane: So does half of our staff. And not just the ones born after 1996.)

Dr Who: 5 – Not a huge sci-fi fan.

Florence Nightingale: 10 – Nurse heroine.

Dr Herbert West: 1 – I had to look this guy up. He tried to play god and got what he deserved!

What, the opportunity to give head to Barbara Crampton’s character? Oh wait, that was actually Dr. Hill’s head. Moving on, use only one short sentence to justify why the following bands/artists are simply excellent (or on the other hand, simply atrocious).

Black Sabbath: Proto metal band, amazing style and attitude.

Garth Brooks: Consummate professional and stage entertainer; I like country music.

The Smiths: Never got into them. Had a girlfriend who was and she drove me to hate them for a while.

Aborted: I read in an interview they said they couldn’t stand Carcass clone bands, yet they yank some of the Carcass imagery themselves? I don’t like their music. But the imagery is impressive.

Talking Heads: Awesome. Have always loved this band.

Miles Davis: Genius. As far as jazz goes, he changed his style as much as Carcass did.

Sex Pistols: Good stuff. I still have them on vinyl from my high school days.

Ratt: Yuck.

Now I can tolerate you not liking The Smiths, even after glorifying Garth Brooks… But dissing Ratt? That’s just wrong…

Death: Legendary! “Scream Bloody Gore” is one of the best albums of all time.

And of course, Carcass: “Symphonies” is my favorite metal album ever.

So who had the idea of including a “Scratch-n-Sniff” CD for the album? I swear I didn’t get nauseous when I tried it out. Pretty sick idea, but rather original. Is that what an actual rotting corpse smells like?

That was my idea. I thought it would be funny and add to the packaging. I was surprised when, within an hour, Relapse got back to me and said Sony would do it at their pressing plant! It’s not how a corpse smells like at all. But it does stink up your car on a hot day.

Or your light magenta scooter, in case your name is Lord K Philipson. Regarding the lyrics, does everybody in the band contribute? Are any of them to be taken seriously (loosely speaking) or it’s all really in good fun, devoid of any actual relevance outside the context of the album itself?

I’m the only one who writes the lyrics. Sometimes the guys will suggest a song idea though. The lyrics aren’t meant to be taken as fact. They’re largely accurate, but I throw a bit of everything in there to make it more dramatic. Don’t use it to study for a test or anything!

I still can’t get over the fact that you guys are all medical professionals. I love it. So let me ask you, are you guys all morbid and whatnot? Do you sport an evil grin while performing an autopsy? Ever stare at a corpse and say “Come on man, don’t be so stiff!” then chuckle maliciously?

Of course we do that. Any medical examiner that says they haven’t is lying to you. It’s graveyard humor and common in many jobs that include stress or trauma. It’s to relieve pressure. I don’t do it all the time, but I have done it before, and it’s a natural thing. I guess I’m just as morbid as the next person. There is always a fascination with death. But being around it all the time has diminished it, rather than amplified it.

I fucking knew it, haha. So what are some of the high points (and low points) of playing music that pays tribute to a classic band like Carcass? Somehow I get the feeling that it’s not something you tell a potential girlfriend on the first date, especially considering your work background.

Luckily, I’m married, so she has to put up with it! I don’t normally tell people about this. It’s a guilty pleasure. I definitely keep it from people at work.

Even the male nurses? To conclude, what does the future hold for TCME? Can you still see yourself doing this in a couple of years?

Probably not, but we’ll see.

So I guess we’re done. Please use this chance to throw in any final comments. Also, now that we’re cool, if anybody from the Global Domination staff is interested in getting a sex-change, can you recommend anybody? Maybe get us a discount or something? Just curious…

Thanks for the interview, it was a lot of fun! I have no idea about sexual reassignment surgeries. But I think you have to go through a lot of counseling first, and live as a woman for a year before they will operate. Unless you go to another country with looser laws. Which I don’t recommend.

Hear that Kenth? It is possible!