### Behemoth: Evangelion

#### 16/07/09 || Euthanatos

Oh. My. God. They did it. These fucking insane Polacks fucking went and did it. They did the unthinkable, the impossible, the unimaginable. They outdid themselves and fucking topped that insanely brutal and perfect slab of metal that was “The Apostasy”. I’m flabbergasted. Seriously, I’m picking up my jaw from the floor, yet gravity and the awesomeness of “Evangelion” keep it down in the dirt. My gast is flabbered.

Do you think I’m over-reacting? Then you haven’t listened to this yet. Listen to just the first track. Just the first one. Just the tip. Nice and slow. Gentle. That’ll be enough to fucking TEAR YOU A NEW VAGINA, BITCH. A bloody, sand-ravaged vagina, filled with puss and sores. This is hell in a bottle. Or in a disc. This is the greatest thing since the apple. AS IN THE FUCKING APPLE IN EDEN. This is that good.

In all seriousness, though, this is it. It’s the be-all-end-all of death metal albums. It’s so excruciatingly violent, it’s wondrous. And the song writing has reached such an insane level of perfection, I think I just might cry venomous acid tears. It’s all here; melody, aggression, technicality, cake. Yes, it’s so good, it even has cake.

And nothing tops cake.

But that’s not all. Oh, no. While you’re twisting and turning trying to wrap your head around how creative and elaborate the songs are, you will then start paying attention to the instruments. And ho.lee.shit, it is glorious. I’m not even going to mention how each individual on this album does their trade flawlessly. I chose one, and that one is Zbigniew Robert “Inferno” Prominski, a.k.a., Satan’s chosen one, the Antichrist, our leader. Everyone else is a fucking follower when it comes to drums, I’m telling you. The drumming on this album is just sick. I haven’t heard anything like this since Vital Remains’ “Dechristianize”. It’s monstrous.

It’s only once every 5 years or so that we get an album that will just blow you away in every single aspect possible. This is it. This is the one of the decade, even. Nothing can possibly be better than this, because this is the nectar of the gods. I can’t possibly explain to you what ecstasy is, you have to experience it. Luckily, you can, and easily. Just buy this record.

Imagine “The Apostasy”. Now imagine it on crack, speed and cocaine. Imagine it dowsed in alcohol and set ablaze. Around it, naked chicks dance, and they are hot chicks, and they’re eating cake. That’s the mental image right there. Listen to it, you’ll see.

K once scolded us on GD for giving out too many 10’s. He asked “Is it fucking “Reign in Blood”? Is it “Master of Puppets”? No? Then it’s not a fucking 10.”. And you know what? He was right, he definitely had a point there. But “Evangelion”? Ah, this one is a no-brainer. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect 10.

Standing ovation, please.

The cover: It’s a pretty woman. I think she’s a saint. No matter. SHE’S A GODDAMN WHORE. I want to have this album’s babies.

10 and then some out of 10.

- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: Nuclear Blast
- Website: www.behemoth.pl
- Band
- Adam “Nergal” Darski: vocals, guitars
- Zbigniew Robert “Inferno” Prominski: drums
- Tomasz “Orion” Wróblewski: bass

- Tracklist
- 01. Daimonos
- 02. Shemaforash
- 03. Ov Fire and the Void
- 04. Transmigrating Beyond Realms Ov Amenti
- 05. He Who Breeds Pestilence
- 06. The Seed Ov I
- 07. Alas, Lord Is Upon Me
- 08. Defiling Morality Ov Black God
- 09. Lucifer