### The Rocking Dildos: Horny hit paradise

#### 29/12/10 || Love Lagerkvist

“Horny hit paradise” by The Rocking Dildos. Just feel that name of a bit. Chew on it, touch it, smell it. Is it not the most amazing “bad pun that plays on cocks and related things” ever? Oh sure, making music about sex has been done a billion times before, but I don’t actually think I’ve ever seen a band with titles this good. The full tracklist is found on the bottom of the page as usual, but if you don’t want to ruin the rest of the review by looking at the score early I’ll list my top five (of the twenty on the disc):

5. “What the fuck?” 4. “Jim beam, joint och blow-job” 3. “Night of franks (hats off to wank)” 2. “Teenage cunt (that’s what i want!)” 1. “Poopskin on my ballhair”

Now that’s some fucken poetry right there. Sadly, the music part of this package doesn’t do the glory of the names justice.

The first warning sign should be that The Rocking Dildos are from France, but don’t play either shoegaz-y post-rock or some kind of weird black metal (the only two things except for white bread they can actually do). No no, these guys deiced that it would be a good idea to play incredibly generic punk rock and plaster on Impaled Nazarene-Mika’s vocals so that it wouldn’t be totally unoriginal. And I’ve actually got to give them one here, Mika’s throat does actually add some enjoyment to the music. There are even some black metal gang shrieks here and there that nearly makes things interesting.

For you see, that’s the biggest problem. I feel no reason at all to return to “Horny hit paradise” after the first 37 minutes are over. Every single track (excluding the intro) use exactly the same riffs, drumming, structure and socks. Granted, there are some parts in the ends of songs that tries to mix things up, but even those fail in that it feels like you’ve heard it all before. There is absolutely no effort made to keeps me listening and when that happens I follow the bands orders and turn their shit off.

And holy fuck that cover is atrocious.

- Information
- Released: 1997
- Label: Osmose Productions
- Website: The Rocking Dildos
- Band
- Frank Slut (Mika Luttinen): vocals
- Frank Sumotra: bass
- Frank Phropell: drums
- Frank Jacko: guitars

- Tracklist
- 01. Introduction
- 02. The raincoat brigade
- 03. Teenage cunt (that’s what I want!)
- 04. Night of franks (hats off to wank)
- 05. Hairy slut
- 06. Poopskin on my ballhair
- 07. Hara-krishna blow-job
- 08. What the fuck?
- 09. A must for lust
- 10. Let me be your strap-dildo
- 11. Toilet seat sniffer
- 12. War against feminist fucks
- 13. Porno caesar
- 14. Roll your ass out of here
- 15. Jim beam, joint och blow-job
- 16. The R.D. will never die
- 17. Give me pussy
- 18. When I return, I return to die
- 19. Male chauvinist pig
- 20. Cheers!