### Black Pyramid: Black pyramid

#### 24/08/09 || GardensTale

I want you all to close your eyes and envision this scenario: it’s 1975. Black Sabbath are sitting round the table. Suddenly, a flash of bright light, and a time portal appears. It’s the guys from Grand Magus, just done with recording “Kingslayer” for their “Wolf’s Return” album. They greet each other jovially as brothers in metal. They listen to each others’ music, and the guys from Black Sabbath say: “Guys, this song is out there! It’s rad! Can we borrow some of your inspiration? We want to make our music so it completely implodes your eardrums now, man!”

Of course, the Magus crew ain’t the worst guys, so they agree Sabbath can borrow the album for inspiration purposes. “You gonna sing on it, Ozzy?” they ask. “I don’t have the time, I gotta sniff dog’s asses and destroy my brain with various chemicals,” Ozzy replies, “but I got a cousin who’s an okay singer and his voice is kinda similar. I’ll ask him.”

Then in 2009, the result is found in an abandoned attic, and released under the band name and title of “Black Pyramid”. Wow, I bet no one expected that sudden plot twist. I should be paid by M. Night Shyamalan for this shit. Anyway, yeah, the album. This sweet baby didn’t hook itself into my left testicle straight away, but rather grew on me with repeated listens like a tumor. It’s heavy. It’s not just “Wow, this Lord of the Rings deluxe edition bound in solid iron is really heavy”. It’s “Moon crashing into Earth, your ass is dead center beneath it, fucked up luck kid” heavy. It’s in the bass. It’s in the thick, crusty guitar. It’s in the superb riffing. It’s in the whole package. If the singer didn’t sound like some twice-removed cousin of Ozzy, but had done a good heavy growl, there would be too much heavy. The album would have collapsed onto itself, creating a black hole that would suck up the solar system.

At this point, you may think I’m hyperboling just the slightest of amounts. Fuck you.

Oh yes, I think I need to discuss the actual music. Okay, quick run-through then; combine stoner doom metal with a huge fucking OOMPH, know what I’m saying, OOMPH, with Sabbathian style classic heavy/doom, except everything is better than Black Sabbath, despite the singer having a couple of weak points. He sounds a bit thin sometimes; of course, with the enormous weight these guys tossed into the album, it’s hard for any singer not to sound thin. But the riffs, the riffs! You know this kind of metal is all about the riffs, yet these all surpass a huge majority in the genre. Slow and fast, both types work. Deliciously.

The biggest plus here beside the actual music is the fucking production. No Wall of Pro-tools here; this shit’s been layered and expanded until both the guitars and bass were thicker than the blubber in your mom’s vagina. Listen, feel your head implode, and weep. This is one of the best stoner doom releases we’ll see this year.

- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: electric Earth Records
- Website: Black Pyramid MySpace
- Band
- Andy Beresky: guitar, vocals
- Gein: bass
- Clay Neely: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. …And the gods made war
- 02. Visions of Gehenna
- 03. Mirror messiah
- 04. No life king
- 05. Celephais
- 06. Twilight grave
- 07. The worm Ouroboros
- 08. Cauldron born
- 09. Wintermute