### S(crap)s: Cochise / Decomposed / Hogbitch / Impure Wilhelmina / Tellurion / Turbo

#### 07/03/14 || Global Domination

#### Cochise: 118

Lord K: Could be worse. It could be Avenged Sevenfold. 4

Ironpants: 118 what? How many times I thought of turning off this record? The singer is apparently a famous actor in Poland? Well don’t quit your day-job bro! 2

Habakuk: I just don’t see myself listening to 13 tracks of this, even though I can’t find much wrong with it. Weird, huh. Could run in the background forever, though! 5

Pr0nogo: Is that you, Blink-182? 2

sincan: Well, Foo Fighters vs Mustasch vs Pearl Jam and some life enjoyment in that mix. Guess it would work just fine on the radio, for boring people. 4

#### Decomposed: Devouring

Lord K: Sure, it sounds old-school death/black metallish thanx to the production, but that won’t help the very uninteresting end result. Old old school is better. 4

Ironpants: The best album in this batch of stuff sent in. Swedish death metal with a production that could have been better. 6

Habakuk: Martin van Drunen band plays metal without Martin van Drunen. 6

Pr0nogo: The resurgence of classic Swedish death metal hasn’t been overlooked, with acts like Tormention and Entrails releasing powerful albums very recently. These guys, though… They’re nothing special. 5

sincan: It is pretty heavy and easy to crack skulls to, I appreciate the little “darker” sound compared to many others in the genre. 7

#### Hogbitch: Hogbitch

Lord K: I know you guys are shitting me. Guys…? Aren’t you shitting me? Guys?! Oh, there’s a chick in there too. And she sucks. Fuck off. 2

Ironpants: Hogbitch? Really? I kinda liked the music a bit, but… dat voice, it feels like poking a hot needle through the eardrum. 3

Habakuk: Maybe, if they changed that girl for someone with a less irritating voice. Just maybe. 5

Pr0nogo: Is it stoner metal? Is it psychedelic rock? Is it shoegaze post-crust hardcore punk? Who cares?! It fucking sucks! 3

sincan: Not even once. Well, yes once, since I had to create an opinion. 2

#### Impure Wilhelmina: Black honey

Lord K: Pointer: never send us a single song again. 3

Ironpants: Reminder: Buy soap for Wilhelmina, she’s dirty. 3

Habakuk: Insider tip: rename your band. 4

Pr0nogo: With a strange moniker and a stranger sound, Impure Wilhelmina is a rather generic mix of slow-paced groove, over-processed guitar noises, and nasal cleans. Not my cup of tea, but if it were, I’d hang myself. 3

sincan: Not as bad as my fellow co-writers says, but I would enjoy some dirtier guitars. It’s like hipster black metal went Morrissey. 6

#### Tellurion: Tellurion

Lord K: It’s obvious that the Internet made it possible for every shitty fucken human being out there to record and release music. Tough-guy metal without the “tough”. 3

Ironpants: The riffs and sections that are more thrashy is quite OK, but please, exchange both singers, or singer. I don’t know, it could be the same dude? 4

Habakuk: A bit over-processed and interspersed with clean vocals. Just what metal needed right now. 5

Pr0nogo: Generic chug-driven metal with a mix of gang vocals and monotone growls. With no attempt at melody and no attempt at individuality, I gave little attempt to my listen. 3

sincan: Don’t I just love “hurburrdurrwooooouh” vocals with clean choruses? Nope. 2

#### Turbo: The fifth element

Lord K: I don’t know… Are we still stuck in the 80’s? 3

Ironpants: This band has released 13 albums in total? Well, that’s a fucken large back catalog I will spend absolutely zero minutes going through. 4

Habakuk: “Turbo” is a shit album and “The fifth element” a shit film. Way to you create a positive surprise, ladies and gentlemen! 7

Pr0nogo: For those teenagers in the crowd who haven’t even heard of the Polish ‘thrash’ band Turbo, you aren’t missing much at all. This is the only album I’ve ever said ‘Aw, shucks!’ to – that’s how corny it is. 4

sincan: This is PURE FUCKING decent. 5