### We, The Undersigned: Bleed the constants

#### 11/12/09 || Smalley

Er, I’m pretty sure there’s no such thing as being “undersigned”, but unfortunately, there is such a thing as being a really annoying band, which is what We is (or are…? damn). Nevermind about that and grab me some Tylenol quick, ‘cause “Bleed the constants” is ten tracks of nothing but very unenjoyable metal with that disjointed, “randomly change tempos on a dime for no reason at all”, bi-polar kind of songwriting I despise in metal. Just that alone would be worth a pretty decent headache, but factor in how fucken whiny and shrill their singer’s screaming is, and that headache very quickly turns into a migraine. Sorry dude, but you have what one might call a wussy voice, a twerp voice, a pissant voice that just pisses me off, and a number of other negative words that come to mind, and worse yet, any moment here where his piehole is shut is a very rare one, and along with the back-up vocals that suck pretty handily as well, there’s just no mercy for us vocals-wise on “constants”.

Regarding the instruments here, approximately 98% of the riffs are no good at all, the guitar sound is below average all the way, the bass work is nice (but big whoop there) the drummer is pretty skilled andblahblahblahblah, all of that hardly makes a difference with the one-two punch of crappy songwriting & singing. None of the songs stick out on “constants”, this album just plays and plays and plays, offering up nary any entertainment value, and at some point, it stops playing (and then stays out of your life for the rest of eternity, hopefully). I will admit, when just listened to individually, these songs are merely bad, not quite awful, but take ‘em all together, they fuse to form one massive, unstoppably crappy screamo Voltron.

By the way, I have to mention how the self-fellating block of text on We’s MySpace says that their music has “spine-shearing vocals”, “fissure inducing beats”, and (not making this up) “ass-spurring guitars”. While those first two are just lies, I think the last part is supposed to mean their music will give you the shits, which makes perfect sense, a shitty album making you shitty. Just avoid “constants” like the plague (of ass vomit), and please excuse me for a moment, since I think I feel a mad dash to the bathroom coming on soon…

Whoa boy.

- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: Diminished Fifth
- Website: We, The Undersigned MySpace
- Band
- Tyler Feeney: lead whining
- Chris Gatza: drums, back-up whining
- Andy Stevens: guitar, back-up whining
- Jai Sadler: bass, back-up whining

- Tracklist
- 01. IDDQD
- 02. Pangaea Mind
- 03. Burning Bodies (in the distance)
- 04. Flight of The Teratorns
- 05. Tonight I Dine On Turtle Soup
- 06. The Eschaton
- 07. Bleed The Constants
- 08. Samadhi
- 09. Making a Break For The Ocean
- 10. Strassman’s Child