### Kill The Romance - Mika Tanttu

#### 18/06/07 || Global Domination

This interview was conducted by ex-staffer/cocksmoker Doomsdayzach.

Here we go, a band I never would have given two shits about under normal circumstances. However, sometimes journalists are asked to do things they aren’t particularly interested in, as was the case here. I don’t think I ever would have spent half the time on this disc that I did while doing this interview, and I’ll be goddamned if it didn’t start to click with me. And while there are other bands that do this way better, this isn’t a bad first attempt, not to mention that these dudes took the questions like champs. Fucken hailz!

Global Domination: Welcome to your interview with the greatest website ever. We’ve recently had some complaints that our website does not have enough pornography on it. Sorry. Do you have any suggestions for some good pornography that people can go to instead of reading the rest of this interview?

Mika Tanttu: Yeah for sure, I guess everyone knows redtube.com that’s the place we’ve been using lately. At least it’s a fast site…

What’s the weirdest pornography you’ve ever seen? I bet it was from Germany huh? Those guys are crazy.

Damn, I don’t remember where it comes and I don’t know how weird is that for you but I remember one scene where a man pushed his testicles to woman’s ass and pulled them back.

Is Ville giving me the finger right now?

I’m quite sure about that.

Look, since we’re going to spend the next bit of time together, I want to start our relationship off on the right foot. I gotta be honest with you straight from the get-go. You guys are fucking pissing me off! I’m serious, I got my review written, the questions already started to write, bitching about this and that, then as I am coming up with questions and listening to the album, I start to dig it! So now, I have to re-write my goddamned review because the disc actually is pretty good, I have to come up with all new interview questions… Fuckin’ SHIT guys! What do you have to say for yourselves?

Heh, that’s your fault. We wanted to write an album which is not necessarily the easiest one in first time. But basically I hate to read reviews where you can see immediately that reviewer hasn’t listened to the whole album… or maybe he did one time.

I bet he’s giving me the finger after all that huh?

Let me check… yeah he’s still giving it.

Now that we got that ugliness out of the way, seriously, this isn’t a bad disc. I probably wouldn’t have given it the time of day had I not had to review it and been asked to do this interview, but after about 5 listens it has started to click. Still, that’s a bit dangerous to write a debut album that doesn’t have that instant impact, no? Maybe you like to live life on the edge?

That can a bit dangerous but in long way, that’s a better way, or at least that’s what we believe. If I speak about myself, usually when album has that instant impact I don’t want to listen it after 5 times. It’s worn-out. So there’s some challenge for listener. And I guess we’re living on the edge anyway…

So what is it about Kill the Romance that you think deserves people’s attention? C’mon man, sell yourself. I mean, besides your band’s website, the MySpace page, other interviews you do, live shows you open for other bands, message boards, and blabbermouth, this interview is your ONLY chance to speak to the fans!

It’s honest music! It’s metal! We don’t give a fuck about if it’s trash/death/emo/ or something. We’re making metal we love and which hopefully got some balls! Just give a chance for yourselves and you may dig it! Just drink beer and bang your head as you listen to this album. That’s the way music should be taken.

Once again, that whole honesty thing is coming up. Fuck. At first you guys gave me the strong “Trivium” vibe, but after a listen or two that went away (thank fucking Satan!) Who do you consider the strongest influences or comparisons for your sound? If you say Black Sabbath, this interview is over. You sound nothing like them.

Black Sa…. No! And it’s not Trivium neither. Everyone says that our strongest influences are coming from Göteborg metal. People are always comparing us to In Flames, Soilwork etc. But for us it’s more like Metallica, Machine Head, Strapping Young Lad etc. In next record you will hear something different. But when I say Metallica I mean their extraultraheavy groove not necessarily riffs and stuff like that.

In the song “Dark filth water” there’s a line that says “something something swallow the sun”. Swallow the sun (another Finnish band) is absolutely incredible. Is this a nod to them and their fucking amazing excellence?

No it’s not. It’s just metaphor.

Why are people in Finland so fucking depressed all the time? All I hear is a bunch of bullshit about long nights and shit weather, but I live in a place that’s grey all the time and it rains probably 300 days out of the year, but I haven’t killed myself yet. Then again, I live in America, which that fact alone is somewhat depressing…

I don’t know. I guess it’s in our attitude. It’s a stupid to complain about long nights because in summer time we don’t have nights at all. Sun is shining 24. If it’s not raining. But hey, life sucks most of the time, what we can do about it?

On a scale of 1 to 10 of being depressed, 10 being already dead and buried, rotting in the ground with no one around you, and 1 being a telletubby on crack?

At the moment it would be 5, last night it was between 7-8 and tomorrow hopefully near 2-3.

Hah, the song “Trespasser”, it sounds like the chorus is saying “Chessmaster”. Wasn’t that an old school game on like NES and Sega? Did you ever play chessmaster back in the day? Also, thoughts on console/pc gaming? Do you partake?

Fuck, I remember that game! But I was so young back then so it was too difficult game for me… okay, I guess it’s still too difficult to me. Our guitarist Tomi is playing a lot. He has that game where you shoot reindeer’s. That’s a probably the most idiotic game ever.

This has been bothering me. What kind of name is Kill the Romance? Seriously!?

I don’t know. If you have some good explanation for it please let us know so in next interview we will use it.

I mean, first time I heard that name I just assumed the worst and lumped it in with those eyeliner wearing fags in Bullet for my Valentine. I was wrong of course, but still… that name… How about the name “Kill the Jackass who doesn’t turn off his goddamned Cell Phone in the Restaurant”? Too long?

Hey, that sounds great! Or “Kill the Jackass who doesn’t keep his goddamn mouth shut in movies”. Hopefully people don’t compare us to Bullet For My Valentine. I have nothing against them but it’s not for us… But you’re right, at first the name sounds very similar… Fuck, we gotta do something… and soon!

Ok, if you’ve made it this far, it means you’ve probably been a pretty good sport, so I’ll lay off for a few questions. Let’s talk about the art. The art is pretty fucken cool. Who did it? Was this a concept that you picked out, or did you leave it up to the artist?

You like it! Fuck! That’s cool! Usually every critic has hated it. I love it! Guy named Jani Saajanaho made it. We just told him meaning behind name “Take Another Life” and he came with this concept.

If you want a cheap cover, I can do one for you. It’s pretty much stick figures and MS Paint, but it won’t cost more than about $2.50 American. That’s like €1.75. Damned good deal if you ask me.

That’s cool; I’ll call you when our next album is recorded.

The first thing I thought when I saw the cover art was “Mortician”. I mean, minus the fact that there’s no zombies or anyone getting their shit owned by some dude with a chainsaw or something, it’s got that same creepy vibe to it.

Okay, I’ll have to be honest. I’ll start to like you more and more! Yeah, it’s really got that same creepy vibe.

Being from Finland, you guys sound awfully Swedish influenced. Agree or no? Also, it seems as though there’s some underlying tension between Scandinavian countries. What do you think of your fellow landmates of the epic tri-penis of the North Atlantic or Arctic Ocean… whatever the fuck it is up there? Remember, I’m American so I don’t know my geography.

Awfully Swedish!? We sound better! In music there’s no tension between us. There’s a lot of great bands coming from Sweden and Finland, and we’re friends together. But honestly I have to say that I don’t know much about bands from Estonia or Russia.

It is good to see a metal band with long hair still… I swear, more and more metal bands seem to be cutting their hair. What’s that about? Any idea?

No fucking Idea. If you wanna play in our band, you need to have long hair! This is about headbanging goddamnit! Okay, our guitarist doesn’t have but he looks like a bum anyway…

Sweet, question 20. Time for a break. I need a question here. Ok, it’s a Saturday morning, you wake up earlier than normal and can’t go back to sleep. What do you do with your extra couple hours?

If I’m with my girlfriend, maybe a blowjob… after that I would have to sit down and answer stupid questions like this.

Ok, back to business. What’s up with the bassist situation? As it stands now, it appears you are bassless. Do you have anyone in mind? How about me, can I be in the band?

No you can not! You seem to be too intelligent for that. We have a new bass player now. He’s called Toni Broman and he’s a fucking monster on stage! He used to play in band called Before The Dawn as like me. If you know them.

A friend from Finland was telling me about this drink you guys have there called “Koskenkorva”. Is it any good? There’s no way to import it to America which sucks. Is it worth moving to Finland just for the alcohol selection?

It’s not worth it. Too damn expensive. And Koskenkorva tastes like shit.

Why is it that everyone in Finland is named Ville?

That’s a good question. There has to be something in our water that twists our minds. Parents go fucking crazy and they decide to give their child stupid name as Ville.

I think over half of “Take another life” is just re-recordings of songs from your three ep’s or demos. Whatever, the releases before this one. What made you decide to take so much from your previous catalogue? How many new songs are on this disc in all? Or are all of the “new” songs really just songs that have been hanging around for years and years? Either way, they’re unreleased until now.

Previous Ep was called “Cyanide” and record company liked it a lot and we didn’t want to waste those songs. And for almost everyone all those songs are new ones so we decided to re-record those songs. There are only 3 brand new songs: I’m Alive, Trespasser and Worldwide Destruction. But now our box is empty and we can continue from clean table.

So let us in on the best kept Finnish secrets… who are the bands that just kick ass that are relatively unknown outside of the Finnish metal scene?

I guess it’s our attitude. As you said, everyone is a little bit depressed so metal music seems to be a good way to release our angst. There are tons of bands which are relatively unknown outside of Finland. Too many to name.

Now, be honest… when recording this album, did you feel that it’s top 10 of ’07 material? Or was it something that just to get a full length under your belt and kind of refine that sound?

People have to decide it. I don’t know. For us it was more like the second one of your sentences.

What are your thoughts on these metal bands from various genres? Just say a few words, and be honest. No cop outs:

- Watain – Never heard…
- HammerFall – Not my cup of tea… too much dick.
- Dimmu Borgir – Great band
- Megadeth – For some of us it’s like Metallica, Gods of Heavy Metal.
- Municipal Waste – Never heard…
- Pain of Salvation – No opinion about them.
- Journey (Steve Perry era) – Sorry, don’t know them.
- Swallow the Sun – Too slow for my taste. Some great songs.
- Lordi – Hardwork Hallelujah! They deserve everything they get.
- Susperia – Our guitarist Tomi loves them.
- Dream Theater – Great players! Great songs, but it’s not a band I would listen to a lot.
- Outkast – Not my style, our guitarist Antti likes some of their songs.

How’s Locomotive doing for you on the record label front? Are they working hard for you? Do you work hard for them? And honestly, I know it’s early on, but how many copies of the album have you sold so far? Don’t lie now…

Not many, I really don’t know the amount but I can tell you that I don’t even have money for a fuel at the moment so it can’t be much. I don’t know how hard they are working for us but everything has been working fine so there’s not much to complain about. But I can say we’re working hard here!

I’ll be honest… there’s no question number 29. I’m too tired. Accept my apologies? Love me? CUDDLE ME!!?!?!?? Just kidding, I’m not actually as gay as Norwegians. You probably thought I was Norwegian for a second huh?

Norwegian? No I didn’t… we love you! There have been too many questions already!

Well as I end all my interviews, I want to seriously thank you for putting up with this shit. Not many have the balls to do it. You guys have balls. Everyone loves a nice, hefty pair of nuts right? Anyhow, thanks for taking your time, go ahead and send a message out to the fans or whatever. Also, what is next to your toilet for reading material while you’re taking a shit?

Thanks for your time. Everyone has to love a nice, hefty pair of nuts. At least we do! I’ve been reading a comic book called “Titeuf – pants are too tight” lately… it works! Go check it out our homepage at www.killtheromance.com and buy our records that I can afford some fuel for my car. Be heavy and drink beer fuckers!