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Roanoke: Stormbringer
17/11/05 || Lord K Philipson
This got sent to us or else it wouldn’t have been covered in these pages. “Stormbringer” is one song, 31 minutes and 51 seconds. Sounds like an awesome lay-up, right? Saying I looked forward to go thru this piece would be as true as to say Jackson Guitars are eager to endorse me. It seems to be “nothing but the doom” for these fellas. Quite downtuned and completely uninteresting bullshit is what it is to me. Add an awful production and packaging to that and you know that this formula isn’t exactly going to hit home with me. Guys, hitting the E-string power-chord at times is a cool thing. Hitting the same chord for 5 minutes is not cool. It’s as irritating as finding yer nipples in the freezer after a good night’s partying.
Bullshit.
I just don’t get it, what’s the point of it all? You wanna make people fall asleep out of boredom while having the misfortune to listen to this? Dark Funeral hits the snare more times in 10 seconds than what you do over 32 minutes, that’s not a good thing. You guys also need to put thicker strings on yer instruments coz they are barely making the tuning. And being half out of tune is not cool, it’s not “doom” and it’s not charming in any way whatsoever (unless you are Grave).
9 minutes after hearing the same riff over and over again the vocals finally sets in, and they are the least worse part of this shit-disc even though that doesn’t say much thinking about what they compete with… Surprise guys, I lost my interest 8 minutes ago. And there’s not a chance I’ll suffer through some 24 more minutes of this ridiculous crap.
I understand you will be all pissed and mad and blablabla thanx to this review. Believe me guys, I can live with that. You guys deserve every word.
Seriously, get a fucken grip.
1/10
- Information
- Released: 2005
- Label: Torture Music Records
- Website: www.roanokenoise.net
- Band
- Todd Janeczek: guitar, vocals
- Andy Mercil: guitar
- Larry Pike: drums
- James Kosharek: bass
- Tracklist
- 01. Stormbringer
