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ReVamp: ReVamp

26/05/10 || Lord K Philipson

It’s not exactly a secret that I have a soft spot for semi-metal bands fronted by a good female voice. Obviously this is the new band of Floor Jansen. She is “famous” for having been in shit band After Forever prior to this. Maybe she still is with that band? Maybe they split up? Maybe they all died except for Floor? I have no idea and I don’t care. After Forever sucked more than their moniker did (that says a lot) and this Floor-whore (ZING!) is absolutely nothing special whatsoever. There’s no personality in her voice; nothing that touches me nor sounds unique. It seems like some people think she’s the second coming of whatever though. Taken from the official website:

“Floor’s voice is already known for its wide range and variety. In ReVamp she shows the world she can do even more! From opera to raw screams; from rock to a light and almost whispered sound. She knows how to ‘master the cords’ and takes you along with her on a wild ride throughout the album!”

You gotta be kidding me. Her vocals are flat and weak, she’s not even carrying a pleasant tone. I get annoyed by her and the non-existing personality in her vocal chords. Sure, she can do some operatic shit (and when the fuck did that automatically become something good?) and most probably has some technique – but her voice is lacking depth and sincerity. She’s basically completely fucken uninteresting to listen to. And as if that’s not enough, Floor is backed up by some piss-poor half-metal with cheap keyboard sounds alongside very tiring song arrangements and ideas. It’s like they didn’t even try… A band like the pretty much unknown (at this time, at least) Finnish Amberian Dawn totally pisses on ReVamp, just so you know.

Another quote from the official site of this disaster:

“The self-titled album has 13 tracks and presents a new dimension in the female fronted metalscene.”

Yeah, sure. These idiots are not full of themselves. Not at all. “New dimension” my fucken gorilla-penis. You can totally tell by the promo photo that these guys fucken suck and need every bit of exaggeration press-wise to help album sales:

This is the best photo we could come up with

When I think a band with female vocals is kind of shit – you know they are shit. I can digest a lot of crap in this genre, but even I can’t stomach everything. As if the all-around weakness isn’t enough – ReVamp tries to be brutal too… whoa… Just listen to the very scary growls and Floor’s frightening snarls in “Here’s my hell”. If that’s not enough for ya, give the tune “Fast forward” a spin and check out the cunt’s “aggressive” vocal attempts in the verses… Wow. Just stunning. This shit will give you nightmares – but not in the way the band hoped it would.

Last off, you would expect this “new dimension in the female fronted metalscene” band to have some shitty song titles too, huh? Check – they do.

“Kill me with silence”?

Yes, please. Where do I sign up?

2,5

Information
Released: 2010
Label: Nuclear Blast
Website: www.revampmusic.com
Band
Floor Jansen: vocals
Jord Otto: guitars
Arjan Rijnen: guitars
Ruben Wijga: keyboards
Jaap Melman: bass
Matthias Landes: drums

Tracklist
01. Here’s My Hell
02. Head Up High
03. Sweet Curse
04. Million
05. In Sickness ‘Till Death Do Us Part: All Goodbyes Are Said
06. Break
07. In Sickness ‘Till Death Do Us Part: Disdain
08. In Sickness ‘Till Death Do Us Part: Disgraced
09. Fast Forward
10. Kill Me With Silence
11. The Trial Of Monsters
12. Under My Skin
13. I Lost Myself

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