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Nihill: Verdonkermaan

07/11/12 || Global Domination

A tag team effort by staffers Averatu and Pr0nogo.

Averatu: Call me a hater, no really, when I hate something I hate it passionately, so call me a hater. Apparently Global Domination gave Nihil’s last album a glowing review . If anyone has the 411 on what that Khlysty guy was smoking at the time, please let me know.

Pr0nogo: Oh my dead god, who thought this was a good idea? Since when does a perpetual static noise serve as ‘atmosphere’? Oh yeah, maybe if you’re flying in a Russian spacecraft and you’re trying to receive FM radio – maybe then it’s atmosphere. Not with this! You don’t put perpetual static in the background of your record – you just DON’T. Why? Because the brain either ignores repetitive signals or receives them more than anything else, and that’s a recipe for either blissful ignorance of the bad parts or a massive headache. With Nihill, we have the latter. Fuck.

Averatu: I’ve previously given an elaborate explanation of why black metal generally sux dead donkey boner, and here I have another opportunity to elaborate on that argument. Oh, and its pronounced Knee-hill, and “Verdonkermaan” kinda means “darken the moon”, kinda.

Pr0nogo: Oh, please do. I’m sure we can all benefit from this. Honestly, merely reading about this band is cringe-worthy. You fucks can’t even imagine how bad listening to them really is. You might scoff at the first two minutes, attributing the boring or bland descriptors to the music, but… Fuck. Try to sit through their first track. Just fucking try.

Averatu: The first song made me think of:
Timmy: “Mommy, why is that man so angry with that drum? He’s just pounding the same drum that sounds like a plastic paint bucket over and over.”
Mother: “Poor Dutchman can’t afford a real snare drum my child, so yes, a paint drum will have to do.”
Timmy: “Mommy, what’s that buzzing sound, are the wasps swarming again?”
Mother: “No my child, thats the atmosphere and a high pass filter on the guitar.”
Timmy: “Mommy, why is that man foaming at the mouth, what is he saying?”
Mother: “He wants you to consolidate all your debt and pay it all in one easy monthly installments.”

paint drum

Pr0nogo: When I first read that, I thought you were exaggerating. I really did. I hadn’t heard the record yet, though; of COURSE I thought you were making fun of something that was just mediocre. No. Listen, GD, Nihill really is that bad. They really, truly are. I already talked about the static, but I failed to mention just how bad it really is – it overpowers the rest of the music. It can’t even be called ‘atmosphere’ anymore, because it’s so fucking loud. It can be called shit, just like the drumming, which more closely resembles Darkthrone’s metronome than anything else. Yeah, that’s right – the production on the record is that bad. Why the hell is the first track so long, anyways? God damnit! What did they think they’d accomplish with this? What the hell did they go for when they sat down and structured their songs?

Averatu: One verse and one chorus repeated ad nauseam for 10 minutes for hypnotic effect.

Pr0nogo: Again, I thought you were kidding around when you said that. After the first track I had to pause the thing, and sort of balk at the prospect of what I had just done. I had just wasted ten minutes of my life. No human should have to endure that kind of sudden realization of worthlessness. No one. Well, maybe these guys…

Averatu: The other possibility is that I’m just plain retarded and thus not in the same head space as Nihill, not able to comprehend the genius of running your finger up and down a string while tremolo picking.

Pr0nogo: Oh, that’s right, there’s a guitar. You can barely hear it through the fucking static. It doesn’t even add anything – at most, and I mean, at MOST, the guitars qualify for the poorest of a poor man’s sludge structuring, where it’s literally a bunch of single notes played over and over again. What little variation there might be is obscured by the radio sex. Uh, I mean, ‘atmosphere’. Fuck that.

Averatu: If your idea of a great atmosphere is hanging around in a cloud of that tear gas the cops use to disperse a crowd is, then this is definitely the album for you.

Pr0nogo: It’s utter shit. It really is. There’s barely any song structuring, the production is almost as bad as Darkthrone’s, and it’s idea of ‘atmosphere’ is akin to a bunch of radios shitting all over each other. Get the fuck out of here. It earned a fucking 1.5, for when you need something more painful than a British housewife roaring at you about cigarettes and newborn babies.

Averatu: I’m so sorry I subjected you to that, please forgive me. You actually hate aimless “nihilistic” noise more than more than I do. But yes, to reproduce the effect of this album, go tune all the radios in your house to different frequencies of static noise, then throw something at your neighbor and let him rant at you through the closed front door, his fist banging on the door reproducing the drums. It’s a 3.5 from me.

Pr0nogo: What, you don’t believe us? See for yourself.

2,5

Disclaimer: Global Domination is not responsible for any harm that comes to you for listening to bad music. Please do not attempt to sue us for damages or emotional trauma. Thank you for your time.

Information
Released: 2012
Label: Hydra Head Records
Website: www.nihill.bandcamp.com
Band
Michiel Eikenaar: vocals
V.: guitars & drums
Jelle Agema: bass

Tracklist
01. Vuur: The Deathwind of Resurrection
02. Spiral: The Tail Eater
03. Oerbron: Returning to the Primal Matter
04. Gnosis Pt. IV
05. Trauma: Crushing Serpens Mercuriales

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