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Deadwalk: Scandalous

23/02/10  ||  Altmer

I fucken hate hardcore. Modern “metal” seems to derive everything from hardcore punk in a way (then again, punk influenced metal during the 80’s already), but the modern metal that kids with overly sized earlobes and too many tattoos like, is a clear indication that something is fucken wrong with the world. As good bands get ignored, from black to death to thrash metal to even prog rock bands, there is a shitfest of Americanized hardcore metal that infests the airwaves. Metalcore, deathcore, it’s all a fucken plague, I wish you would die already.

Deadwalk play exactly this fucken genre of music. Can you say “gay”? Can you say “awful”? Can you say “choke on a really heavy dog dick”? No? You better fucken learn to, because that’s what these guys need to do. This music is exactly what is construed as rebellious, but isn’t anymore – nobody thinks you’re rebellious for nicking old NYHC riffs, displaying more ink than skin, and having ears the size of teacup saucers. Fucken die already, trendies. Hardcore was already old when Hatebreed did it. You’re not original, and you’re not scandalous either. You just look completely, insanely, absolutely, terribly, horribly, totally fucking dumb.

From the “Scandalous” album title, to the awful song titles (“Prom queen”), to the dreadful artwork, to the silly lyrics (including the gem “Deadwalk fucking hates you”), to the bland hardcore music, everything about this is turgid. The vocals are the generic hardcore bark that pisses me off. The riffs are the old favourite of every semi-heavy band: our good ol’ buddy the chugga-chugga. The drums sound like fucken shit (reminds me of the snare drum on Images and Words, and that ain’t a good thing, because that snare drum was electronically triggered – and sounded like shit). Bass? What’s that? Haven’t heard any. This is fucking terrible music for terrible people. I don’t even know why I am reviewing this for GD – I don’t get paid crackwhores, lots of money, or good Italian food to do it. Fuck the label for releasing this abomination upon the world. Fuck the people that actually listen to this. This is utter trash, and please never make me listen to this pile of complete monkey feces again.

Also, shoot the guy that made the cover. Over and over. With neurotoxic darts. Motherfucking Jebus, that thing is awful beyond words. It’s like a girl using cum as shampoo. Didn’t you guys know porn was mainstream since… forever? Urgh. This shit plain pisses me off. Even if it was played properly (and for fuck’s sake, it isn’t, if you wanna know why, just listen to good hardcore like, oh, I don’t know, Cro-Mags, Black Flag, Damnation A.D.), this shit has no place at GD, or anywhere else in the world for that matter. Pulverize this shit to ashes, and if you see anyone recommending this to you, pulverize them while you’re at it. Abysmal.

1

  • Information
  • Released: 2009
  • Label: Year of the Sun
  • Website: Deadwalk MySpace
  • Band
  • Greg Kepka: vocals
  • Jonathan Donnelly: guitars
  • Gates Pompizzi: bass
  • Ben Latour: guitars
  • Peter Greyling: drums
  • Tracklist
  • 01. Prom night (of all us band members as drag queens)
  • 02. Conqueror (of the penis)
  • 03. High tension (in our sexuality)
  • 04. Frailty (of our earlobes)
  • 05. Death sentence (of the band)
  • 06. 8 mm (against our heads)
  • 07. Jailbait (which none of us will ever fuck)
  • 08. It’s all gone to hell (including us)
  • 09. Final destination (a boiling vat of sulphuric acid)
  • 10. Kiss the girls (because we never got to)
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