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Burzum: Filosofem

30/08/12 || Guest Dominator

Guest review by Fishermane.

August 2012 boring introduction note: Hell-o ladies, how goes it. It’s the Mane, drunk and shameless as ever. I was going through some older emails from 2005-2007, and I managed to find a few old reviews from my early days at GD, including what I believe was one of my best reviews: Burzum “Filosofem”. Quoting Lord K from back then: “Fishermane, you fucking rice queen, you left the lights on last night, not to mention our skirts and wands out in the toolshed.” Actually, wrong email, it was more like: “Mane, you’re fucken fucked, but I fucken love that Burzum review.” This was back when Tash used to proofread everything, and GD was updated like once every six years. Good times. Anyhow, on a somewhat serious note, I think it’s still somewhat entertaining, and a decent review overall. I’ve made some minor modifications, but it’s virtually the same as it was posted back in 2005. Some of it is lame, some of it is brilliant. Basically, if you thought it blowed back then, it will still blow now. Otherwise, hopefully you’ll enjoy it. Sincerely,

The Mane.

Fucking Varg. Thank god there are only 6 songs on this album, because I was about to fucking lose it after trying to type out the whole fucking tracklisting myself. And what the fuck is a “Gebrechlichkeit” anyways? Fuck… (2012 note: since then, I’ve luckily discovered the mysterious and complex procedure known as “copy and paste”) So yeah, here I go, trying to review this album from the mega-controversial Burzum, and I’ll be honest right now, this album is already losing a point for having such a fucking annoying tracklisting. And before you Norwegians start bitching at me for a being a shallow and unknowledgeable bastard, just remember, at least I didn’t fucking stab some guy while he was in his underwear. Fuck, talk about a way to go… At least let the poor bastard throw on a bathrobe, throw him some fucking biker shorts and a Craig T. Nelson tanktop or something…

Anyways, the Vargmane needs no introduction, so I won’t even comment on his ideologies or anything like that, I couldn’t give a fuck less as to what someone believes in, as long as they make good music. Right? Well, ol’ Vargee is one tough nut to crack. I’ve read some of his shite and although he doesn’t seem like a total idiot, he is. Somewhat. Who cares. I said I wouldn’t comment on him, and just on his music. Anyhow, before I bought this album, I basically encountered 2 kinds of reviews. The ones who praised this album with such words as, “A masterpiece!” and “The greatest black metal album ever composed!”, and on the other hand, there were people who said, “Don’t believe the hype, this shite fucking sucks.”

So what do I think? I have to admit, I like Burzum. I’m not gonna go into great detail and try to use fancy words like, “This album reeks of nihility and arouses one’s subconscious desire to indulge in the anarchistic harmony provided from the melancholic background herein-thereafter, henceforth”… Fuck. I try to keep my shite in laymen’s terms, seriously. It’s simple, the Vargster lays down some simple-ass repetitive distortion-filled guitar riffs, and usually lets his tracks build around them. Efficient yet simple keyboard loops are also added, and they help to complement the overall sound of the songs. One thing I will stress though, is that I do love Vargino’s vocals on this, I really enjoy his distorted evil-sounding voice.

Be aware though, this album is not for everybody. If you actually like “good” music or are expected to be blown away by some crazy-ass “Dark Funeral-style” black metal, you’ll most likely be disappointed. But if you’re willing to take the time to sit back and give this album a try, you might be impressed. REALLY impressed. There is a reason why people praise this shit so much and it’s because somehow, Vargenstein did manage to create some cool shite. I don’t know how, but he did. To be honest, the times I enjoy this album the most is when I’m about to go to sleep, highly intoxicated, and I just lay back with my earphones and let the whole album play. I can’t really say I’d listen to this in a Walkman while I’m strutting my sexy ass downtown, checking out the ladies and getting my mack-on, or have it playing while I’m washing my dishes and shit. But when I’m in that certain mood, I can just lay back and this shit does the job.

The first song is probably my favorite, it just really grew on me, as repetitive as it is. It starts off slow and ultimately, it’s the same riff/tempo throughout most of the song. However, Varg keeps building track after track of distortion-filled guitar so that towards the end, there are quite a few layers of sound. Combined with nice vocals and the synth line, it actually ends up sounding really good. The second one is cool also, great double-bass programming Vargo! I love ambient keyboards, so “Rundgang um so vonderful-ass fruckenstein together with me in the flowers?” was also one of my favorites, although it’s quite long. I get fed up of porn after 25 minutes, let alone some fucking 4/4 keyboard loop, no matter how cool it is. Song 4 is just noise to me, where the fuck are the drums? Still, as much as I bitch, I would’ve bought this album only for the 2-3 songs I really like, since they’re unique in their own way and deserve a somewhat respectable amount of praise.

So, should you buy this? It’s hard to say. Burzum isn’t for everybody of course. Once again, I hate clichés, but you will probably love or hate his shite. Some of my boys can’t stand this shit and wonder why the fuck I like it so much, to some extent. But I understand them, I’m not one of those fucks who’s like, “What the fuck man, you’re so gay for not liking this, go Vargster!”… Burzum was appealing to me before I even actually heard his shite, as I tend to like a lot of that “cult” music, so I had a feeling I’d like this shite. So if you’re like me, in the sense that you’re very open to different kinds of music and are willing to sit down and give this album a chance, go for it. You shouldn’t be disappointed. Otherwise, if you know what you like, and midpaced repetitive pseudo-atmospheric blackish metal is not one of them, I suggest you pass on this shite…

P.S. Remember, I’m still taking off 1 point for the fucking tracklisting (2012 note: Thanks to the wonders of copy/paste, I think we can add it back now.)

Information
Released: 1996
Label: Misanthropy Records
Website: www.burzum.com
Band
Varg Vikernes: everything

Tracklist
01. Dunkelheit
02. Jesus’ Tod
03. Erblicket die Töchter des Firmaments
04. Gebrechlichkeit .I.
05. Rundgang um die transzendentale Säule der Subgularität
06. Gebrechlichkeit .II.

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