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Artefact: Ruins
25/01/08 || Euthanatos
Artefact. French band of which I had never heard of before. Band members with fancy names. They’re from France. I’m not going to say anything else. Just that my spirits aren’t exactly lifted with all this information.
After your mandatory 2 minute useless intro, “Their Cave”, comes “Gargoyles Unleashing”. Apparently these fuckers are into fantasy shit and well, it shows, doesn’t it? So I’m going to do a little exercise to entertain myself; I’m going to think of gargoyles, dark, grayish gargoyles, with vast wings and sharp fangs ready to maim all living creatures. Let’s see… Does it fit? Actually, it does! The aggressive metal with elements of death, black and avant-garde metal (well, they are French, of course I was going to throw that in there) fits quite nicely with said dark imagery.
I’m kind of losing my train of thought, though. This is a very long track. 7+ minutes. That’s a long time to be thinking about gargoyles. Some naked bitches and zombies are starting to appear in the mix as well. I guess that’s a sign for us to move on to the next track.
“Medieval Ancestry”. Okay, now I’m going to pull out my Forgotten Realms board, my 20-sided dice, my D&D player’s handbook and…Well, I’d do that, if I was thirteen years old. But guess what… I’m not. So you can shove your dragons up your ass. Your dungeons… Well, do they have naked bitches and zombies? Artefact reminds me of something, but I don’t know quite what. Dissection, maybe. Let’s look into it some more, maybe it’ll come to me.
“Catharian Ruins”. Oh look, a Gregorian chant like interlude..No one’s ever done that in a metal album before! I really admire pioneering bands. I think we should name Artefact alongside the all time great innovators, like Van Halen, Iron Maiden and the guy that invented butt sex.
“Reverence”... is not something I’m particularly feeling right now, but the fast start to the track with almost some blast-beats are encouraging… Except it doesn’t really go anywhere, so I’m going to skip this one, okay?
“Fountain of the Enchantress”. That’s the gayest song name I’ve seen in a long time. And I just reviewed an Avantasia album, so that’s saying something! But there’s some nifty little clean vocals here… They’re cute… You know, the way French people are, in general. Actually, this is the best track in the album. Mark that one down.
You know where Artefact is? It’s somewhere between Dissection and Dimmu Borgir. In other words, no man’s land. It could go either way. You could have your dick sucked, or your ass pumped. A dangerous scenario, if you catch my drift.
“My Inner Sanctum” is instrumental. But still metal. Can we start calling this post-metal? Would anyone really oppose this? I think not. There’s even some flutes. I wonder if these guys dig bands like Rhapsody Of Fire. Just wonderin’.
“Curse of the Wizard”. Gandalf. Saruman. Oz. I’ve totally ran out of things to say. Everything in this album sounds the same to me. But…and it is a big but…I’ll be honest with you, because I’m a fair guy. I’m swell. This is a good band. I don’t know what they sound like live, because recorded they are terribly artificial. But they know their shit. Their fantasy French melodic black shit. If there is such a thing. Maybe it’s shit that smells good? Who knows.
I know who to recommend this to. You know that band Graveworm? There you go. I, for one, can’t stand it. But I know it’s good. Loads of people love it. Are you one of those? Check Artefact out, you might dig ‘em. That’s the best I can tell ya.
The cover: It looks French. No, really.
6 I don’t like it, doesn’t mean you won’t 10.
- Information
- Released: 2008
- Label: Rupture Music
- Website: www.artefact-metal.com
- Band
- Runenlyd: vocals
- Aldebaran: guitars
- Olwe Telrunya: guitars
- Sephiroth: keyboards
- Ranko; drums
- Alexis: bass, flute
- Tracklist
- 01. Their Cave
- 02. Gargoyles’ Unleashing
- 03. Medieval Ancestry
- 04. My Inner Sanctum
- 05. Catharian Ruins
- 06. Reverence
- 07. Fountain of the Enchantress
- 08. Curse of the Wizard
- 09. Stellar Winds
- 10. Finale
- 11. Gargoyles’ Rest
