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# Global Domination

### Recent updates

- S(crap)s: I Miss My Death / Kaoskult / Raus & Perunwit (split) / Spatial / Thy Flesh (13/06/14)
- Hatebreed: The rise of brutality (12/06/14)
- Vomiting Corpses: Coma - The spheres of innocence (11/06/14)
- Mayhem: Esoteric warfare (10/06/14)
- S(crap)s: Akrotheism / Black Altar / Druknroll / Enthroned / Funeral Sutra (09/06/14)
- Agalloch: The serpent & the sphere (08/06/14)
- Dark Tranquillity: Construct (07/06/14)
- In Flames: The jester race (06/06/14)
- S(crap)s: Souldrainer / Tonic Breed / Rude / Defying / Electric Hellride / Scorned Disciple (05/06/14)
- Culted: Oblique to all paths (04/06/14)
- read

### Recent discussions

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## Audio autopsy

### Audio Autopsy - September 2005

#### 01/09/05 || Global Domination

Intro: This has to be one of the worst AA editions in recent memory, as far as the quality of the albums we reviewed here is concerned. Please welcome Ripper Bendix for the next two months of Audio Autopsy, he stepped up to fill in and did some excellent work. Onward…

#### Aeon: Bleeding the false

##### 6.8 /10

Lord K: Oh yes, here we go. You want death metal? Aeon wants you to have fucken death metal, that’s for sure. Terribly triggered drums, but not even that takes away the fact that Aeon is this edition’s winner for me, and I haven’t even listened to the rest of the bands yet. Massive as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. 9

Syrrok: “Forever Nailed” is a killer fucken song title. Anything ‘forever’ is sweet, cuz it’ll never stop. Like FOREVER BURRITOS. That’s gonna be my next album. Ok, Aeon. More wild card death metal with thin guitars. I hate it already. Sometimes it’s so tough to sit through three songs from these bands. 1

Farlus: This band is fucking killer! Straightforward death metal with layered vocals (for that extra Satanic effect) and hilarious, overt Satanic lyrics. “God Gives Head in Heaven” has to be the most hilarious song I’ve ever heard. They even have an acoustic version of it! I don’t know if that’s a bonus track or what, but it’s great. “Heaven is for faggots!” Haha. 8

The Abyss: Back in the day, Deicide and Morbid Angel were the biggest, baddest, most evil and jawdropping death metal bands you could find. As the years crept on, they lost their ravenous hunger for all things brutal and satanic and became boring. But who cares, Aeon is here to pick up the bloody remains of God’s servants and fling them in his face. This is without a doubt one of the very best albums of 2005. There’s savage, face-peeling growls, lyrics so satanic that you can’t help but laugh (“God Gives Head in Heaven”, “Heaven is for Faggots”), incredible drumming and more arpeggio solos than you can shake a fist at. The only bummer is the incredibly overproduced and plastic-sounding drum triggers which, frankly, sound like ass. I bow my head, not to Satan, but to the supremity of Aeon. 9

Derek: You know, it’s really fuckin’ difficult to take a band seriously when you see song titles like “I Hate Your Existence”, “Satanic Victory”, and “Biblewhore”. The synth introduction to the album – titled “Cenobite” for reasons I neither comprehend nor really care to know – had me expecting black metal. Nope. Death metal. Loud, clicky, death metal. This music sounds really difficult to play. It’s also very difficult to listen to. Any points lost for the cheese-dick song titles are recovered by the fact that I can actually understand most of the vocals. Still, I’m only listening to this thing in it’s entirety BECAUSE I HAVE TO! 5

Ripper Bendix: Oh man, this is good shit indeed! That’s how you do it, man. Relentless, ass hauling, and ridiculously satanic vocals with a mercilessly pounding rhythm. “Forever Nailed” is so fucking HEAVY that I broke three ribs listening to it, unholy, fucking, shit! I was only half-listening at that point, and as the song started, it grabbed me by the fucking throat, rammed my fucken head in the toilet and flushed a couple of times. FUCK! What a ride! I love these fuckers, even though the whole Satan stuff gets old pretty fast. But hey, somebody doing a blaspemous country song definitely deserves my unshared, sweaty, hairy love. 9

#### Opeth: Ghost reveries

##### 6.5 /10

Lord K: Opeth rules supreme with their brutal parts, the softer ones ain’t my thing. Nonetheless, it’s another great album. 8

Syrrok: Lets make it 3 for 3 on this edition of AA. Bands I love who have disappointed me. I’m not sure what the Opeth kids were goin’ for with this one, but it’s way too artsy and devoid of metalurgy. No steady rhythms for me to wrap my balls around. 5

Farlus: This album is okay, but I was looking for an album with a little more staying power. “Damnation” and “Deliverance” were mediocre at best (save for a few sparse moments where old spark was reignited), and I was hoping that with some rest, introspection and the freshness of a new label, Opeth would be able to recreate that magic that they had up until “Blackwater Park”. Hell, I don’t want another “Still Life” or “My Arms, Your Hearse”, I just want Opeth back. The only thing about this album that indicated it was Opeth to me was the guitar tone and Mikael Åkerfeldt. The vocals on here are top-notch, but the album overall is way too mellow and atmospheric. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I think we were promised a punishing album this time around. When joining a label like Roadrunner, you have to prove that the label isn’t going to push you around and you’ll still be the same band you were before…but this album did not do that. 5

The Abyss: Opeth fucking rules. 9

Derek: I can easily say this is my favourite Opeth release, but then I am not a huge fan of the band. I enjoy their music, but I don’t own any of it, nor do I listen to it very regularly. That said, “Ghost Reveries” will be seeing a lot of play. The soft parts are excellent and the transitions between the heavy death metal sections are flawless; nothing seems out of place, despite the really varied nature of the material. I am really enjoying the greater emphasis of the keyboards in the band’s music. You owe it to yourself to at least check this bitch out. 10

Ripper Bendix: Valium for my ears. No matter how hard I try to get into their music, I fail again and again. Immensely unentertaining to me. 2

#### Hypocrisy: Virus

##### 5.8 /10

Lord K: I wonder why Hypocrisy’s always labeled “death metal” coz I think they are far from it, actually. They have their own sound, that’s for sure, but I wouldn’t mind some more brutality. 7

Syrrok: Knock, knock. “Who’s there?” Imgoodforonething. “I’mgoodforonething who?” I’m good for one thing, producing metal albums from OTHER bands than my own. Hyprocisy have never been my taste. Since Peter’s never bought me a beer, I have no other compelling reason to put up with this album. 3

Farlus: Is this seriously the same Peter Tägtgren who sang on the last Bloodbath album? I can’t tell. This album suuuuuucks. I have to go put “Penetralia” and “Osculum Obscenum” on repeat for a few days to erase the memory of this abomination. 3

The Abyss: Seems like vocalist Peter Tägtgren’s stint in Bloodbath has rubbed off on his main band Hypocrisy. The vocals reach some Earth-rumbling lows at times and the addition of Horgh on drums makes sure that the pace is sufficintly hectic. Are these the first steps in a return to the styles of “Osculum Obscenum” and “Penetralia”? Who knows, but “Virus” does kick a lot of ass. Hypocrisy’s best work since “Into the Abyss”. 8

Derek: Don’t know what the Hell hasn’t been said about Hypocrisy at this point, so I’ll keep this one short… It’s Hypocrisy, and another Abyss recording. Technical – but not mindnumbingly so – death metal with good production and a solid band belting out the tunes. I like this album quite a bit, but it doesn’t really inspire much feeling in me. The cover art is quite excellent, but other than that it’s the same old Hypocrisy – let your reaction to that statement govern your next move. 6

Ripper Bendix: Not as good as I think “Into The Abyss” was and THANK FUCKEN SATAN, a thousand times better than “Catch 22”. This albums kicks my shit and I have started telling people again how I once shook Peter Tägtgren’s hand. 8

#### Chimaira: Chimaira

##### 5.3 /10

Lord K: Chimaira’s one of those bands I always decided to pass on since I just knew what they would sound like. [note from Tash to any retards and/or English impaired individuals who might be reading this – ‘pass’, as in: band comes along, and K yells “Paaaassss!”, and not as in: he just has to pass it on.] I was, of course, right about it, but Chimaira’s got a tendency to groove a little more than the rest of the bullshit bands out there. Still, it’s nothing I’m going to spin like a fucken idiot here, but it works ok in tiny doses. 6

Syrrok: I was expecting much more. K’s “Chugga-chugga-chugga” riff criticisms aside, I’ve always appreciated the straightforward approach these guys had towards metal. They are the New York Rangers of Metal, no surprises and no bullshit. Unfortunately the songwriting took a 10 minute fucken interference penalty on this album. As a fan of the band, I must admit that this one just never gets off the ground. 4

Farlus: While Chimaira continue to improve with each album, this one seems pretty forgettable to me. It’s still an improvement over “The Impossibility of Reason”, but after a few songs it just faded into the background and my eyes glazed over. Not a good sign. 6

The Abyss: Oh Kevin Talley, how far thee hath fallen. From Dying Fetus to THIS?? Seriously, who the fuck listens to Chimaira and what’s fucking wrong with them? Oh yeah, American mall kids who wants to be metal but don’t quite dare. This is gonna sell millions of records while Aeon will sell 4000 if they’re lucky. It makes me wanna cry. Well, at least the drumming is ok. 3

Derek: Ever since I checked out a demo mentioned in an old ExtremeMusic.net news article, I have been a big fan of this band. Every new release shows the band improving on all fronts; this new album being no exception. The clean singing is all but gone, so all you bad-asses don’t have to worry about catching “teh gay”. Blare this thing in your truck and run over some skateboarders. Fuck yeah! 9

Ripper Bendix: Why is it that anything related to more modern stuff, e.g. metalcore, or this hideous ass-baby mislabelled “New Wave Of American Heavy Metal”, is a constantly pulsating mess between good shit, like double-bass, and bad shit, like hardcore or nu metal cockshouts and the formulaic, angsty clean vocals? This is like putting cranberry jam on a fucking steak, or riding a Ferrari with a VW Beetle engine. Aggressive guitars and double-bass are serious tools of the trade and not the cream topping on a fucking birthday cake. Apart from this rant, my review has nothing interesting to say.* 4*

#### Leng Tch’e: The process of elimination

##### 5.2 /10

Lord K: Welcome to the grind. Grindcore is a very restricted style of music and as far as the style goes, I only dig Nasum and Rotten Sound. Now I dig the Leng’s a bit as well. 6

Syrrok: I usually hate this 1-minute song tripe, but these guys got a good sound. Funny song titles, tough as fuck vox, hell I’m with it. Something nice to piss off my neighbours with. 5

Farlus: This was fun to listen to for a few songs, but then it just got boring. I thought maybe there would be some cool Asian stuff in here cause Leng T’che just sounds like something Chinese or Japanese, but nope. Not even a “sucky sucky five dolla” or “me so horny”. What is this world coming to? 4

The Abyss: “Grind, extra everything please.” That’s how Leng T’che sounds. Short sweet bursts of grind mated with some hardcore-ish breakdowns, death metal riffs and sometimes even some heavy metal-like segments that would make Udo proud. Watch out Rotten Sound, Leng T’che are hot on your heels! 7

Derek: This is some sort of grind band, I think. The only lyric I made out was “I wanna be a macho man” on ‘Testosterone Collar’. This band sucks; I sentence them to an eternal Hell of power drill sodomy. 3

Ripper Bendix: That kind of humorous in-your-face grindcore is exactly my taste. Straightforward, no compromise, a minimum of riffs, speed, anger, fucked up ideas. Gimme more! KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE! 6

#### The Duskfall: Lifetime supply of guilt

##### 4.8 /10

Lord K: The chef just cooked up another meal from the Standard Swedish Recipe. 5

Syrrok: I am down with these guys’ sound. Quality groove, sweet melodies, and determined vocals. This album is much like exposing yourself in public to the upper class bitches at the high-end retails stores on a Saturday afternoon. Pleasing and disturbing all at once. 6

Farlus: “Shoot It In” is the gayest song title since “Ram It Down”. This band sucks. It’s melogaydramacore, if you’re interested. I need more beer. 2

The Abyss: Melodic death like it sounded in the early/mid 90’s. Unfortunately without the hooks and expert songwriting of Sundin, Strömblad, Björler etc. There are cool riffs and melodies all over the place but not ONE song that makes me go “Fuck yeah!”. A shame on such talanted musicians. I liked vocalist Kai Jaakkola better in Deathbound though. 4

Derek: The guitar work is pretty damn good, but that is about all that The Duskfall have going for them. Sometimes they sound like generic black metal, sometimes there are metalcore moments, and at other times more Gothenburg melodic. None of this works very well; the vocals are one-dimensional while the music is schizophrenic, so it just sounds like no one knows what the fuck the gameplan is. If these guys ever pick a direction and stick with it, they just might do well. I almost want to give them 5 because a song title like “Downright Dreadful” or “Sympathy Has Decreased” makes me laugh. But I only said “almost”. 4

Ripper Bendix: Now this is fucken great modern thrash, reminiscnet of Satariel, with the necessary I-kick-your-ass factor many others are missing so badly. Besides that, I already loved their “Frailty” album from 2003, so they’re kinda kicking in open doors with me. I’ll listen to this ‘til I pass out. Thanks. 8

#### Fear Factory: Transgression

##### 4.8 /10

Lord K: Burton C Bell wore a God Among Insects shirt at some gigs last year, that fact alone gets them a 10. But their music is still not my shit. 6

Syrrok: Definitely more complex as far as the songwriting goes, but unfortunately that is not Fear Factory’s forte. Just write the riffs with the kicks. That’s your job. Stick to what you do well. Another band I always enjoy throws a cockpunch my direction in this AA. Burton’s vocals are uninspired to say the least. I’m sure he wasn’t wearing his GAI shirt during the recording sessions. 5

Farlus: This album should be called “Regression”. They took a step forward with “Archetype”, now they fell backwards onto their ass with this record. The entire record should be like the song “Moment of Impact”, but it’s nowhere near that good. I’m very disappointed. 4

The Abyss: And here I was, hoping “Archetype” was more than just a lucky shot and that Fear Factory would find themself actually liking heavy music again. Guess I’m the asshole. There are some nice riffs here and there (“Moment of Impact”, “Transgression”), but when they open the album with Burton’s hideous clean vocals on “540,000 Degrees Fahrenheit” I can do nothing but shudder. The man has seriously done no vocal improvement since “Obsolete”. What was once fresh but needed some more work is now just overdone and embarrassing. Just like the music. 4

Derek: I know bagging on Fear Factory is en vogue – and has been for a while – but you’ll hear nothing of the sort from me. The departure of Dino Cazares is really not holding the band back; this is some seriously heavy, calculating, precision metal. If you liked “Archetype”, then you will really like “Transgression”. If you think Fear Factory reached their peak with “Demanufacture” – or that they just plain suck – then I wonder why you’re still reading the text under the band’s name. This shit won’t win any new fans, but it will definitely please the current ones. 7

Ripper Bendix: Trying to be melodic, trying to be exciting, failing in both. This album is a boring, fucken train wreck. Whatever FF supposedly had back then, they lost it, and as far as I am concerned, never had it in the first place anyway. 3

#### Dissenter: Furor arma ministrat

##### 4.5 /10

Lord K: Poland. You all should know my fucken opinion about Polish death metal by now. It all sounds the same, it’s all killer and it’s all getting fucken boring. 6

Syrrok: Remember that part of “Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail” where the monks are walking along smacking themselves in their heads with boards? Bingo. 1

Farlus: Monkeys throwing feces are more interesting than this bland, unoriginal, repetitive death metal. Someone should throw monkey shit at this band for sucking so bad. Hopefully the green kind. 2

The Abyss: By George! Another Polish death band with heavily triggered drums and vocals like the furnace of Hell. Some pretty nice solos, too. Is it well played and well produced? Is the Pope a conservative cock-gobbler in charge of a redundant death cult? Dissenter is not as boring as Lost Soul but not as brilliant as Behemoth and Vader. 7

Derek: If you’re into crazy, over-edited kick drums and indecipherable lyrics, then this album is for you. I’ve also got a night of flaming tire iron sodomy waiting for you, because I’m sick and tired of you assholes convincing talented musicians that this shit belongs in their music. This rampant saturation of bands producing albums of gurgles and clicking noises is making me sick. Fuck Dissenter, fuck pretentious pseudo-Latin, and fuck this non-music. 2

Ripper Bendix: I SOILED MY FUCKEN PANTS!! AAARRRGH! CRUSH!!!!! KILL!!!! 9

#### A Life Once Lost: Hunter

##### 4.2 /10

Lord K: Not as awful as one would expect with a name like that. One of the countless bands with nothing new whatsoever to offer, but they pull of their semi-hard metal all well. Think “sterotype metal of 2005” and you know the deal here. All fine though. 6

Syrrok: This singer sounds like that of Lamb of God. That automatically makes me hate them. It’s so obvious this band has trouble controlling their bowels. They sound like two crows fucking. If you don’t know what a crow sounds like fucking, shit man, I don’t know what to tell ya. 1

Farlus: This album is a lot like the band’s name – too long, boring, and uncreative. I liked this band a lot better when they were called Lamb of God. 3

The Abyss: “Rehashed” is an incredibly fitting name, since the intro of the song is Meshuggah, copied through and through. The rest of the album is like Meshuggah fucking Dillinger Escape Plan in the ass in 7/4 time while an anonymous metalcore band leads them around town on a leash. The result is embarrassing and dissapointing, since the potential is there but not yet fully crafted and too obscured by trendy bullshit. Better luck next time. 4

Derek: So I have this friend, who we’ll call “Lamb of God”, and he has this hot sister named “Chimaira”. And one night they had one box of wine too many and fucked. Nine months later, they gave birth to a deformed hillbilly who we’ll call “A Life Once Lost”, who embodied both of their qualities but in a carbon-copy, infantile way. To disbelieve this story is to profess that you are indeed a liar and a communist. 3

Ripper Bendix: Somebody wants to be Meshuggah. At least that’s what I thought as I heard the first song. But unlike Meshuggah, these guys here actually play a damn nice straight beat where one is needed and don’t only appeal to people who jerk off over their PacMan highscores. This shit kicks ass. 8

#### Blessing The Hogs: The twelwe gauge solution

##### 4 /10

Lord K: They all sound the same to me, with the difference that one is worse than the other. Semi-metal is not metal, when will you fuckers learn? 3

Syrrok: Wet farts. All I hear are Southern wet farts. Am I supposed to give these guys a pass cuz they’re part of some “scene”? Is it ok to suck because the “scene” you are involved in typically has shitty, muddy, down-tuned guitars? Who the fuck am I asking these questions to? 2

Farlus: I’m probably the only person on AA who’s heard of these guys before. They’re kind of a sludgy noise band. Let’s put it this way – they provided great background music for me while I was playing poker. But I wouldn’t listen to it too often. Great choices of sampling, though (Rocco from Boondock Saints on “The Carrier”...great line from that movie). 5

The Abyss: And the prize for this month’s shittiest band name (in close competition with A Perfect Murder and Prositute Disfigurement) goes to… Blessing The Hogs??? Right…. well at least there are no pig vocals here, but unfortunately there’s not a hell of a lot of good songs either. Sludge/death/grind/crap metal is served over 56 min and I, for one, am sick of it after just 10 min. 2

Derek: I’d trust bikers over priests any day of the week, but when you combine the two – into a somewhat absurd, if not entirely esoteric, band name no less – strange things are bound to happen. And, strangely enough, this band with the weird-ass name managed to bang out a solid album. Low-tuned, sludgy, bass-heavy metal of some sort; that’s the best I can do to sum this band up. You will no doubt heed all of my words and immediately purchase this album because everything written on the Internet is true. (Even the stuff that contradicts other stuff. It’s like the bible, with more dirty webcam whores and less “and it was good”.) 7 [note from Tash: ...except we’re all about the smiting. And the begatting. Unless the webcam whores count as ‘begatting’. Which would make you all sad, sad wankers for sure.

Ripper Bendix: Ah! Fresh victims for the ever-growing army of the undead metalcore crowd. 4

#### A Perfect Murder: Strength through vengeance

##### 3.8 /10

Lord K: The murder is probably the only thing perfect with this band. I fucken despise semi-metal. I spit on you, and the likes of you. 3

Syrrok: Impossible to sound more generic if they tried. Back to the bar, fellas. Put down the instruments, get some whiskey in, and fellate each other as usual. 1

Farlus: Obviously the murder wasn’t perfect, or this bad Pantera clone wouldn’t still be making music. Get it? I’m so fucking witty. For some real comedy, listen to the singer try to sing cleanly in “Wake Up and Die”. Stick to the Phil handjobs, chief. Maybe these guys should join up with A Perfect Circle. What happens when a perfect murder meets a perfect circle? I don’t know, but I bet it’s gay. 2 [note from Tash: ...and minus 50 points to this band for raping an early Megadeth song title.

The Abyss: This sounds like Pantera. No really; the riffs, the drums and ESPECIALLY the fucking vocals and vocal melodies. Oh – and they mix in elements of metalcore too, joy! 1

Derek: This album reminds me a lot of Pantera, except when the vocals fall flat during some really unnecessary melodic moments. I really could have done without that. Eh, it’s OK… I don’t really feel strongly about this album, one way or another. But then, I fucking hate that in music. So, nuts to these guys, I’ll just go dig up my Pantera albums. 4

Ripper Bendix: Thrashy, speedy, don’t like the shouter at all. Perfect murder of my patience. ‘Nuff said. 4

#### Crematorium: The process of endtime

##### 3.8 /10

Lord K: It’s awesome to be a part of the worst edition of AA ever. Crematorium sure helps out and I guess they are damn proud of it. 3

Syrrok: Their tunes smell like rotting corpses, that’s for sure. And although they’d take that as a compliment, Syrrok takes that as a cock punch to his well-tuned metal listening ears. snare snare snare snare snare snare BORING! 2

Farlus: Blah blah brutal death metal. Same old shit. Wouldn’t cremation be funnier if it turned people into cream instead of ashes? Then it’d take families a lot longer to find out you pissed in their grandmother’s urn. 2

The Abyss: I used to talk to the singer, Dan Dismal, on a message board a couple of years back. His band sucked at the time, so I’m happy to see that they’re signed and no longer suck as badly. I don’t know how to properly describe this, it’s just a whole lot of metal, screams, growls, double-bass, headbang-friendly guitar riffs and some kind of bass frequency in the background. It’s not bad, but I feel that it could be much better with some more experience and careful songwriting. The band sniffs at black metal-esque riffs and vocals on “Testicular”, leaving me wanting to hear more stuff in that direction. 5 [note from Tash: There’s something so wrong with using the word ‘sniff’ and ‘testicular’ in the same sentence that it just has to be right.

Derek: I’ve been a big fan of Crematorium since I got my hands on their “A World Where Only Nightmares Prevail” EP, and their full-length ”...For All Our Sins” was even better. The latest offering from Daniel Dismal and his band of evil bastards seems to have a much more noticeable hardcore feel to it, but I doubt they’ll be signing to Victory Records and throwing effeminate kung-fu moves into their stage performance any time soon. The sound of the drums could be better – in some places – but I dig this. 7

Ripper Bendix: Starts out promising and then slides off into generic metalcore just as your face slides from a sceptical half-grin to an expression of depression. Hehehe…I made a rhyme. Hmmm…cookies. 4

#### Machine Men: Elegies

##### 3.7 /10

Lord K: The mellowest shit this time around. It’s got hooks, i’s got ass-vocals and it’s got nothing remotely close to brutality. That would make for a fucken low score. The Iron Maiden flirts won’t make me dig them, but it was a good try. 3

Syrrok: The Penguins I recently observed in the San Diego Zoo a few days back could write better riffs than these clowns. I mean, what does it take? 3

Farlus: I knew from the name of this band I was in for a treat. Indeed, the music was almost as gay as last month’s serving of Stratovarius. These guys should’ve just named themselves “The Village People”. And what a ripoff – isn’t Machine Head’s new DVD called “Elegies”? Not only did they come up with a terrible moniker for themselves and their album, it’s pretty much a complete ripoff. 1

The Abyss: Finnish heavy metal in the vein of Iron Maiden (of course), Blind Guardian and Queensrÿche. Fairly decent songwriting (NO KEYBOARDS!! Yay!), but as usual, the ballads sucks elephant cock. In his best moments the vocalist sounds like a young Bruce Dickinson, in his worst he just sounds like rainbow-coloured fruit. In a super-annyoing genre, Machine Men are only slightly tiresome. 5

Derek: Considering that Machine Head has a DVD release due out called “Elegies”, I’d almost swear this album and band name were some desperate attempt at garnering a few sales out of sheer confusion. I’m fairly certain that is the only reason someone would pay for a half-assed Judas Priest rehash. 4

Ripper Bendix: Can you sound even more like Maiden? This is pretty straightforward, and pretty GOOD classical power-esque metal that’s right up my alley at the moment. Sure, some mediocre moments here and there but what the fuck, eh? I might even forgive ‘em that “Back From The Days” has some serious “Rainmaker” problem. There’s even some “wash the tears away” part in the lyrics. Uh-Oh! But all that aside: Well done, well enough for my taste at least. 6

#### Destruction: Inventor of evil

##### 3 /10

Lord K: They were better in the past, and they weren’t exactly any good then either. 4

Syrrok: Woah, who let Chad Michael Murray in to sing fucken vocals? Is this the MTV video awards all of a sudden? 18 minutes spent writing riffs, 5 minutes on drums, 19 minutes on band circle jerk, 2 minutes clean-up… ahhhh.. finished. “oh guys, we also made a metal album!” 2

Farlus: Ever wonder what German Christians doing thrash would sound like? Me neither. Unfortunately that’s what this is. And it sounds like ass. German Christian ass. Which probably smells like fudge cake, feces, and preacher cock. 1

The Abyss: Old bands reform all the time, why can’t old bands just break up AND STAY DEAD!? As usual, Destruction has 2-3 good songs on every album, and with 13 songs on the album you can easily figure out for yourself if it’s worth a buy. And as usual I find myself growing very bored halfway through. 4

Derek: This album was so boring, I randomly started skipping around in Winamp, changing songs every 10 seconds. Amusingly enough, the transitions between songs were only noticeable because I knew I was making them. If Destruction are the inventors of evil, then thank God for evolution (cleverness + 1) because there’s a lot better metal out there than this shit. They know how to play, and that’s about it. It’s also not all that impressive – I sort of expect you to get it right when you’re playing the same fucking thing 13 times. 3

Ripper Bendix: I hate snippet CDs. I have no idea in how far something like “the novelty is wearing off” applies to an institutionalized metal band like Destruction, but hell…the novelty IS wearing off. The few full songs on this one don’t kick me very much, and the snippets aren’t enough to convince me that the rest is better. Is there something like “overdoing” thrash metal? Too many odd harmonies and soft chords where hard shit is needed. Weird rhythms where old school should rule. The cowbell in “Calm Before the Storm” made me cringe a bit. It’s pretty sad, because I know Destruction can do much better. They kick ass live like hardly anybody else, but this album goes past me even easier than that mediocre “Metal Discharge” thing. 4

#### The Esoteric: With the sureness of sleepwalking

##### 3 /10

Lord K: “With the Sureness of Being Bored to Death” would have been a more fitting title. 3

Syrrok: If I can’t hear the “music” then how can I give this album a score? A smorgasbord of WHO CARES! 1

Farlus: Only a metalcore band would name their album “With the Sureness of Sleepwalking”. What the fuck does that even mean? I think the only sureness here is that this music surely fucking sucks horse testicles. Maybe I’m not whiny or emo enough to understand the deep meaning behind that and “complex” song titles like “Ram-Faced Boy”. Slow, plodding music, complete with screamo vocals. Rinse, lather, repeat until your ears bleed tears of unfathomable sadness. 1

The Abyss: An American band that sounds like a mix between Today Is The Day, The Red Chord, and some kind of large metal object – maybe a trash can, or maybe a knight in shining armour falling down a flight of stairs. A lot of off-time drumming, strange time patterns, and slithering guitar lines. All in all, this gives me a headache and makes me yawn. Just like The Red Chord! 3

Derek: I want to punch the singer. Other than that, this is a pretty good album. The only real loss of points is due to the vocals; one-dimensional, raspy, screamed vocals really do not complement this kind of dynamic music. 6

Ripper Bendix: You know, as I read that band name I sure as hell didn’t expect a sonic clusterfuck trying to wrench my ear off, but I got one anyway. Lucky fucken me. 4

#### Prostitute Disfigurement: Left in grisly fashion

##### 1.8 /10

Lord K: The pig vocals destroy any potential these guys could have had. The riffs are all fine, and the brutality is there, but it won’t help as long as this fucken idiot is doing the singing. 4

Syrrok: I would rather watch female circumcision than listen to this. Puck to the nuts. Fog on the windows. Strange legions growing on the tip of your cock. All better than this album. 0

Farlus: Who the fuck decided this “pig vocal” shit was a viable vocal option? I think I hate that shit worse than metalcore. If I ever heard metalcore with pig vocals, I’d go eat a huge bean burrito, then go shit in someone else’s toilet (in the top part, the tank…not in the bowl…so they wouldn’t find it for a while and it’d really stink, almost as bad as a syphilitic pirate hooker’s vagina [note from Tash: ...a subject with which our Farlus has had much experience, I’ll have you know]) with such furious anger that it stained it so badly that only days of pressure washing and elbow grease would get it out. Then I’d have some nachos. 1

The Abyss: Fuck pig vocals. Musically, I must say I give two thumbs up the ass (just like Prositute Disfigurement would like it) despite some elements of senseless blastbeats for no apparent purpose, but when the band do lock onto a groove or a particularly choice riff, then I can’t help but nod my head. Except for the fucking pig vocals. 5

Derek: What the fuck is this shit!? I’d honestly rather have been handed a disfigured prostitute, rife with vermin infestation, open sores, and puncture wounds than this fucking album. Here’s some advice to aspiring grind bands; if a retarded sow with Down Syndrome is your only option for a vocalist, GO INSTRUMENTAL! This album is a joke. Any endearing qualities in this music are lost due to the pathetic, unintelligible, vomit-inducing, fucking vocals. Someone choke this motherfucker with a cock, only don’t record it. And kill him. 0

Ripper Bendix: Are you fucken kidding me? Guitars + drums sound cool, but the main “singer” has a repertoire of ONE FUCKEN LETTER, and that is “E”. “Eeee eeee eee!! Eeee?? eeee!”. What?? This shit is even more inaudible than motherfucking Iniquity, who sound a bit like “Arrrrgh, grrrr, uuuurgh?”.There’s another dude with a black metal voice, though. If that one had sung the whole time I’d probably listen to this CD a second time. 1

Audio Autopsies

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