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# Global Domination

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## Witnessed

### Meshuggah, Cynic: 2009-20-02

#### 23/04/09 || InquisitorGeneralis

Who: Meshuggah, Cynic, and The Faceless
Where: Recher Theatre: Towson, Maryand USA
When: 2/20/09

Meshuggah rolled into Baltimore on this blustery Friday eve and shit got fucken crazy , and I mean like totally nuts. Whould you expect anything less? Just getting to the show proved to be a daunting task! The assholes at the Recher Theatre venue here decided to not list the show as sold out, so when the Inquisitor went a callin’ to the box office five days before the show he was dismayed to find out that the motherfucker had been sold out…for two weeks! The dipshit behind the bar where you get tickets told me that “uh, we must have forgot.” Hmm, I’ve got these itchy purple spots on my balls but I guess I forgot to tell the Doctor about those two? Fuck off douchebag! Sad to say this was far from the last time a member of the Recher’s staff would achieve douchebag status, more on that later.

Anywho, thanks to the magic of craigslist I was able to find a youngster (not an Asian one in the “erotic services” section, at least not this time…) who had a few extra tickets, I met him in the parking lot (wow that sentence sounded just a little bromantic huh?), and hustled back to the lair of the Inquisitor to smoke as much Mary Jane and drink a gallon of vodka as to fully prepare my brain for the Meshuggah experience. My metal hombre Matt joined me on this adventure and one blunt, two joints, and multiple screwdrivers later we sprinted off to the Recher Theatre via taxicab, our brains prepared for insane time signature madness.

Sadly, we missed The Faceless, but based on the “Planetary Duality” album that I am still in the process of slowly (because it is nothing special) reviewing we were not too upset about it. Being a devoted Death disciple I was however very excited to see Cynic and hear the artists (Paul Masvidal on guitars and Sean Reinert on drums) I slobber over every time I listen to Human . I will be honest, I own a copy of “Focus” but I have not really given it a ton of listening time. I need to pick up “Traced in Air” though because I found myself really enjoying the jazzy metal that these guys put out. The only song that I recognized was “Veil of Maya” from “Focus” which was played well. I heard some grumblings from the crowd afterwards that “How could I…” was not included though. Overall Cynic impressed: cool stage presence, great sound, and interesting tunes. The setlist was:

Nunc Fluens
The Space For This
Evolutionary Sleeper
Veil Of Maya
King Of Those Who Know
Celestial Voyage
Adam’s Murmur
I’m But A Wave To…
Integral Birth

Cynic gets 7 out of 10 only because I was not familiar with most of the stuff. Great live performance though and if I had known more of the songs I am sure I would have really loved it.

During the set change leading up to Meshuggah is when the craziness really started to get going. My friend began to sweat profusely and complain about the heat. Suddenly, his eyes rolled back in his head and he dropped like a sack of fucken doorknobs: passed the fuck out!!! I tried to pick his ass up and revive him before the notoriously rough and angry Recher staff got to him but I was too slow. He was immediately hauled out of the concert area by about five bouncers. At first I was not allowed to go with him! When I finally made it outside I saw the local po-lice beating the shit out of some drink bald guy! Fearing for my friend’s life and freedom I rushed over only be near tackled by the fuzz myself. I screamed “that’s my friend, he’s sick” but, thankfully, realized that the cops were pounding the living shit out of some other drunk bald dude!

Acknowledging my mistake I hustled back into the Recher Theatre, abandoning that poor asshole to his fate. Finally, I was able to phone my friend and he told me he had been tossed out the back door, given a bottle of water, and told that he was not allowed back in. I called his dumb ass a cab, told him where my spare key was hidden, and went back into the floor to quickly pound a few beers and get me some Meshuggah. Do I feel somewhat bad that I lost my wingman? Yes, but fuck that, I payed a pretty penny for my ticket and unless I was next to pass out there is no way I was going to miss Jens and boys lay it down on the last date of the Obzen North America tour!

Just as I got my third Natty Boh down the drainpipe the bloody-handed banners went to, the lights went down, and the three Cousin It lookalikes came on stage proudly displaying their signature 45-string beast guitars. Thomas Haake settled in behind his always impressive kit and Stone Cold Jens Kidman was the last to come out. He yelled something at us, gave the crowd an evil stare… and BAM enter “Pravdus” and the killing began!

Meshuggah proceeded to tear through a nice mix of tunes from most of their catalogue. From the most recent “Obzen” we got blistering renditions of “Bleed” and “Combustion” as well as the slower paced “Lethargica”. Older staples like “Sane”, “Rational Gaze” and “Perpetual black second” from the “Chaosphere” and “Nothing” albums. As expected Meshuggah’s playing was flawless. While not the most active, excited band on stage they definitely have a presence that matches the tone of their music well. They only flaw in the show was the fucken crowd! My fellow Baltimorons were not nearly as crazed as they should have been for a performance of this caliber! Cheers were weak and the mosh pits were full of pussies. The staff is partially to blame for that: anyone who even showed the slightest hint of moshing was anked to the back in a pre-made pit surrounded by bouncers. Sounds fun huh? Well, guess what…it wasn’t.

Bad pit and brutish bouncers aside the show ruled. My personal favorite song was “Suffer in truth”. The rising beginning of the song worked the crowd into a frenzy. Absent from the list was the staple “New millennium cyanide christ”. Further investigation has revealed that it was on the list but omitted. I was disappointed not to hear my favorite song but the rest of the setlist was top notch so it certainly did not ruin the experience.

“Future breed machine” closed things up and, as always, was a great ending to a Meshuggah set. However, the night was far from over for me. After a short taxi ride home I ventured to the local watering hole at the end of my street for a late night bacon-cheeseburger and a double bourbon and coke (my signature drink). While enjoying this generous feast my phone rang and, low and behold, it was my lost wingman Matt. He proceeded to tell me that after he got back to my house he chilled out for a few minutes, then headed to his car. While getting into his ride he saw he girlfriend pull up (she lives down the street from me, random coincidence) with some other dude in the car. When he asked what was up she proceeded to dump his ass right then and there. Rough night for the old Mattster: a vicious passout, a forceful exit from a badass Meshuggah concert, and a 1am unexpected dumping from a bitch!

(reviewer’s note: fortunately for Matt the dude used and abused his ex and she asked for him back. Thankfully for the entire male gender he said “no”!)

Overall Meshuggah gets a 9 out 10. The only detracting factor during the set was the actions of the staff. Meshuggah’s set was:

Pravus
Bleed
Electric Red
New Millennium Cyanide Christ (on printed set list but not played)
Stengah
The Mouth Licking What You’ve Bled
Lethargica
Combustion
Suffer In Truth
Sane
Humiliative
Rational Gaze
Straws Pulled At Random
Future Breed Machine

Finally, my friend Matt gets a -10 out ot 10 because his night sucked big, smelly, veiny, spermy mancock. Sorry buddy, learn to stay the fuck awake at a Meshuggah show!

Witnessed

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