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# Global Domination

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## Witnessed

### Joe Satriani, 2006-05-13

#### 23/05/06 || Global Domination

Introduction by Lord K Philipson: Forum-member/complete fuckhead, Skull, went to see a goddamn Joe Satriani-show lately and wrote up a review of the thing for all of you loyal fans of this site. Who are we to complain when it comes to live-reviews so we thought we better post it. That, and for the fact that it definitely sums up what Joe Satriani is all about in so few words.

When I was a kid and starting to play guitar, I lacked a mentor. No older kid in my life to show me the ropes. Not even friends going through the learning process alongside me. I had to go it alone, so I did what I thought at the time was right: I bought every issue of Guitar World magazine I could get my hands on. This misguided industry cocksuck-rag convinced me that assholes like Joe Satriani and Steve Vai were the ultimate guitar-players. So I bought their albums, and wasted time listening to these bozos endlessly jack off all over their fretboards. I got really bummed out cause I couldn’t play like that. I thought I was a failure. I put down the guitar for a long time, dejected.

The other night my friend got me into the Satriani show for free. Sold out at 40 bucks a ticket. Packed to the gills with dumbshits and fucking retards. I had to go.

To make a long story short, this was the worst show I’ve ever been to in my life. And I’ve been to hundreds. Possibly thousands. This was the worst. And furthermore, Joe Satriani is the worst guitarist I’ve ever heard in my life.

No, I am not kidding.

Nor do I exaggerate to make a point.

He flat-out fucking point-blank sucks. I don’t know how he can live with himself. His band sucked. The songs sucked. And Joe, Ronald McDonald peddler of American Cheese that he is, wanked up and down the fretboard song after song without so much as a pause. Imagine having a conversation with a person who keeps saying “I’m so fucking awesome! I am fucking great!” for hours at a time. That’s Joe for you. Dick.

I hate you, Joe Satriani.

I hate you for making me drop the guitar for too many years until I discovered D.R.I.

I hate you for spending 20,000 hours practicing in your bedroom, only to suck fucking shit. I hate your Oakleys and your shiny, soulless Ibanez.

You lack balls.

After the show we went to the bar where my girl works and got fucked up for free on gin and tonics. That was really fun.

Fuck off, Joe.

- Information
- Festival date: May 13th, 2006
- Place: Warfield, San Francisco CA

- Tracklist
- Yes.
- Unfortunately.

Witnessed

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