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# Global Domination

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## Reviews

### Amorphis: Skyforger

#### 27/08/09 || Euthanatos

When “Skyforger” came about, I made a huge deal. I actually threatened the GD staff of physically assaulting anyone who dared review it before I did. Am I that big a fan of Amorphis? Yes and no. Some of their albums I think are haunting masterpieces, others are solidly in the “meh” territory. But, yes, as could be read on my raving review, their previous album, “Silent Waters”, made me piss my pants with glee and some more. I still listen to it religiously. I thought it was godly. Everything I had ever wished for. I had officially a man-crush on Tomi Joutsen.

I shouldn’t be surprised, then, that “Skyforger” proved to be a very, very difficult album to write about. I’m currently listening to it again as I’m writing the review, it’s about the fifth time now since acquiring it. And no, I still haven’t completely made my mind about it. Allow me to explain.

After a first listen, I was crushed. I hadn’t been this disappointed in an album for a long time. I simply don’t care enough about most bands to feel depressed when they release some piece of shit out of their collective asses album. After all, there are so many good bands out there releasing awesome albums, what’s one more or one less? But when something moves you, like “Silent Waters” did to me, you can’t help holding immense expectations for a new release. So, as I said, I was extremely disappointed that “Skyforger” was quite different from “Silent Waters”, even though in many ways it stays true to the Tomi Joutsen phase Amorphis. Make any sense? Yeah, I thought not.

For starters, yes, Joutsen still sings amazingly. He might be better than ever. As a matter of fact, I’m sure he is. This is one guy who is constantly evolving, I’m amazed at how far he’s come in such a short period of time. His sense of melody and perfect pitch make my balls feel creamy. The song-writing differs from “Silent Waters’ quite a it, though. For one, the cheese factor has been heightened by a thousand, “Silent Waters” was a much heavier album than this, and I think most people think “Silent Waters” is a totally watered down Amorphis, so that gives you an idea of how gay “Skyforger” is. Is that a bad thing? Well, not necessarily, but I was hoping for a continuation into the more extreme path, if we can call it that. For what it’s worth, Amorphis do the gay cheesy thing extremely well.

What did bother me about “Skyforger” is that I didn’t find anything particularly memorable in any of the songs. “Silent Waters” got a 10 for me precisely because of that. Every bridge, hook and chorus of that album stands out like a fat bitch’s ass when wearing a thong.

So, it suddenly dawned upon me that this album reminded me a lot of “Eclipse”. A solid album, a good album, but one that did not make me want to go back to it frequently. All the right elements are there, the characteristic Amorphis melodies, the killer vocals, the mystical folk lyrics, but I can’t shake the feeling that I can’t differentiate any tracks at the end of it all. Not because they all sound the same, far from it (just listen to “Sky is Mine” and “Majestic Beast” back to back, entirely different songs), but none of them grabbed me by the balls and made me squeal like a little girl.

Therefore, we come to our dilemma; what to rate this album? It did not make me orgasm, but nevertheless it is a finely crafted album, with good songs and great musicians. I guess nothing more than average would be fair. It might tickle you in the right places, but it didn’t do much for me.

The cover: Yeah, it’s pretty and all, but as Wikipedia pointed out, it’s exactly the same as A Static Lullay’s “Faso Latido”. Lame.

6 amorphous albums out of 10.

- Information
- Released: 2009
- Label: Nuclear Blast
- Website: www.amorphis.net
- Band
- Tomi Joutsen: vocals
- Esa Holopainen: guitars
- Tomi Koivusaari: guitars
- Niclas Etelävuori: bass
- Santeri Kallio: keyboards
- Jan Rechberger: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. Sampo
- 02. Silver Bride
- 03. From the Heaven of My Heart
- 04. Sky is Mine
- 05. Majestic Beast
- 06. My Sun s]
- 07. Highest Star
- 08. Skyforger
- 09. Course of Fate
- 10. From Earth I Rose

Reviews

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