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# Global Domination

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## Reviews

### Amberian Dawn: River of Tuoni

#### 16/08/10 || Lord K Philipson

Some months ago I visited Erik of Vomitory in his house, just hanging out drinking beer and booze like rockstars do. After ending up shit drunk it was time to go to Nap(a) Valley. I decided to put on my iPod for a bit before getting the usual beauty sleep. After listening to the pre-productions of the new The Project Hate MCMXCIX material I put my beloved iPod in shuffle mode. Out of approximately 10.000 songs the first one that comes up is this somewhat classically inspired, catchy half-metal tune with some operatic vocals and a soulless production. The song* in question also held a great fucken chorus that I had to listen to again, and again, and again. I took quite some liking in it but never checked what it was (I don’t know half of the shit in my iPod – that’s how you discover great new bands).

After waking up I went to the train and recalled I listened to this specific tune quite a bunch of times while hitting the sack in a intoxicated state. Now I had to go back to see what it was that caught my attention in the middle of the night, and if the band actually were any good or if the drunkenness had destroyed my usually very professional judgment.

Amberian Dawn.

That’s what it said. I wouldn’t know what “amberian” means if it hit me with a shovel, but I had heard the name somewhere. I put on the whole album and took a sober listen to what they had to offer. While not being as fantastic as I thought that particular tune was at the time of hearing it (thank you, beer), Amberian Dawn sure did some fine music.

That’s the thing with me; a band can play pretty much any style of music as long as they have catchy melodies and a chick capable of doing decent vocals. Those ingredients are usually a success story with yours truly. And even though they are having a thin production (it’s crystal clear, though), Amberian Dawn’s got themselves a nice fucken recording with “River of Tuoni”.

Sure, it’s not all great as there’s some really weak shit on here too (“My own star” is a fucken crappy filler tune, f.e). But there’s enough Yngwie Malmsteen-esque influences (pretty much every song’s got some typical Yngwie riffs) to make me forgive them for the crap they sometime pull out of the hat.

So, neo-classical cheese metal with operatic (not the best ones I have heard, but they are absolutely fine) vocals in broken English is your forté? You’ll like this. And no – they do not sound like Nightwish even though they play in the same field and are from Finland, the land of The Cumbucket.

I just learned they released another album after this one. It’s called “The clouds of northland thunder” (+1 for being fantastically faggy), and judging by the title I expect it to sound like Amon Amarth drinking a Pussy Milkshake with a slurp of hot, liquid cheese. I am going to lend my ears to that recording now and I hope they surprise me as much as they did with “River of Tuoni”. I have no expectations though as that album has one song called “Birth of the harp” and another entitled “Kokko – Eagle of fire”. Oh, and not to forget; “Lionheart” and “Snowmaiden”. Those are proof of some serious commitment to Teh Gay. For fuck’s sake. And trust me when I say I thought they had gone fuck-all mad when I thought track 8 on this here album was called “Passing balls”.

Last off, what the fuck is up with that cover? Is that Conan’s lesbian daughter holding a black cat? Or is it a fucken machine-gun she’s got in her hands? I can’t fucken see, the pic is too damn small. Nice perm too. Finn’s sure lost their marbles way back.

Suck my Kokko, fuckos.

*In case you are wondering, the tune’s called “River of Tuoni”. Yep, the title track for this here album obviously. Give it a spin.

- Information
- Released: 2008
- Label: Suomen Musiikki
- Website: Amberian Dawn MySpace
- Band
- Heidi Parviainen: vocals
- Emil Pohjalainen: guitars
- Kasperi Heikkinen: guitars
- Tuomas Seppälä: keyboards, guitars
- Tommi Kuri: bass
- Joonas Pykälä-Aho: drums

- Tracklist
- 01. River Of Tuoni
- 02. Wings Are My Eyes
- 03. Lullaby
- 04. Valkyries
- 05. Fate Of The Maiden
- 06. My Only Star
- 07. The Curse
- 08. Passing Bells
- 09. Sunrise
- 10. Evil Inside Me
- 11. Dreamchaser (Japan bonus track)

Reviews

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